Little White Lie with Heavy Conviction

     After my demotion at work, Carri and I became a little more active with the church.  We did more with Sunday school, bible studies, vacation bible schools, and church camps.  Honestly, Carri was really the leader for these things; I just kind of tagged along.  Because of my history, I was still very timid and shy.  In fact, it was not until just the recent years that I even felt comfortable speaking in a Sunday school class.  Just the thought of standing in front of a group would make me sick.  I would get palpitations in my chest, my voice would quiver, and I would feel like throwing up.  It scared me to death; even teenagers intimidated me at 30+ years of age.  Relating to children, that was no problem.  I could call their bluff and socially I was right there with them.

     God really began to deal with my fears during a Children's church camp.  Carri and I had taken a group of children to the Arkansas Baptist Assembly church camp in Siloam Springs.   It was a little white lie I told that God used to convict my heart.  The camp pastor was Mike Seabaugh, "Big O".

     I was walking across the campus to my cabin when Mike met me in front of the worship center.  It was not a planned meeting, but it was a divine appointment.  As I was walking with my face towards the ground, I heard a familiar voice call out "Hey, can you help me with something?"  I use to always walk with my face to the ground, that way you rarely had to interact with people.  Well this time I did not have much of a choice, the only person around besides Big O, was I.  I looked up and said, "Sure what do you need."  What I was expecting to hear is not what I heard.  I expected something like this, "can you help me move this or that, or some type of labor involved assistance."  What I heard was, "I need help with the skit tonight."

     Immediately, my affect went flat, palpitations began to pound in my chest, and my stomach wanted to vomit.  I am certain that I responded in a quivering voice, "um…I am the only male chaperon …and um……I don't think I can leave my kids to be in a skit……..sorry, I would help but I just can't."  That year we did not have one boy with us, only girls.  Trust me; Carri did not need my help.  I told a little white lie.

     I left Mike standing there still looking for help and went on to the cabin.  At the cabin, conviction fell upon me in a way that I had never felt before.  I was at a Christian camp and I just lied to the camp pastor.  God and I went back and forth with our words.  God was saying, "How dare you lie."  I was saying, "I just can’t do it God, you know I can't do it."  He would respond back, "Go back and tell him you will help."  Conviction won, so I headed back, after a very long delay. 

     I went into the sanctuary to find Mike.  What I was hoping for was that he had found someone to help.  At the worst-case scenario, I was sure all I would do is just be a background person.  When I entered the sanctuary, I found Mike and a small group of guys practicing the skit for that night.  Mike saw me and shouted out, "Hey your back! So can you help now?"  "Yes, I can help."  "Great!" Mike then proceeded towards me with a paper in hand.  "Here are your lines, memorize them quickly." 

     That night, I was in the skit dressed as a Roman soldier.  I was in a very uncomfortable and fearful place for me.  This is what I did, I prayed; "God you got me into this so you better not make me an embarrassment.  I really need you by my side and help me get through this."  I did it, and I loved it.  I had never ever I repeat ever done anything like that before.  God had me face my fears of standing and speaking in front of a group of at least 1,000 - 1,200 children and adults.  My strength only could have come from the Lord. 

Psalms 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

      From that point on, I had a secret in my heart.  I wanted to do more.  It was my fear that held me back for several years.  Deep inside I really did want to do more.  Each year after, I have volunteered to be part of Mike's skits.  They are elaborate, animated and very vocal.    God used Mike Seabaugh to begin my journey into ministry.  

This is me "Zebra Man" and my good friend Tom "Panda Man"
Dressed up as super heroes for Camp Siloam 2012!

May my life be the proof and evidence of His love!