My friend who I was talking about in my post titled “Good v. Evil”
became completely broken and depressed after accepting Christ into her
life. It is amazing how your perspective
changes when your eyes, ears, and heart are focused on and through the Lord.
It is when the Holy Spirit from within us begins to reveal the truth about us
that we become broken and even depressed.
It is not that God is trying to shame us; He is merely breaking us in
order to sanctify us.
It was after accepting Christ as her Lord and Savior that my friend
began to see her life for what it really was and had been. God began to
expose the hurt and pain she suffered from abuse. He also began to convict her of the sins she
currently had. Some of the brokenness produced anger. Why did God allow
these things to happen? Some of the brokenness produced shame.
What have I done, and why am I doing these things? When we are truly
convicted by the Holy Spirit, we all think and feel the same way.
God has a way of showing us our reflection in the mirror of Christ
through His eyes. What we see is our hurts, pains, emotional wounds,
physical wounds, ugliness, brokenness, shamefulness, regrets, filthiness, and
maybe even disgust. We begin to see our life for what it really
is. Most of us hate what we see. What
we see is His truth. We become convicted
and feel His call to repentance. We develop
a desire for His mercy and grace that can only be found in redemption. We
see what Christ has done for us and feel ashamed. The shame we feel can
drive us into depression. It can hurt
enough that all we want to do is die and enter into a life with Him.
We want to die so we won’t hurt and wont mess up anymore.
I came into work one morning, and immediately I knew something was not
right. I did not know what it was, but I had this sickening feeling
inside of me that I could not get over. My partner that day was someone
different. I went to our dispatch and asked, "where is my normal
partner?” The response "she called in sick last night." It
was not an audible voice that I heard next, but it was very loud and
clear. "Go to her house and get her." That message could
not have been any clearer than someone standing before me and saying it out
loud.
I had no idea where she lived other than the name of the town, a very small
wide-spread rural town. I went to my boss and explained that something
was wrong and I needed to leave and go to her house. He said "I have
no idea where she lives; the only address on file is a PO Box." He
asked, "Why are you so sure you need to go?" I said, "Because
God said so." He looked slightly puzzled, I'm sure he had never heard
that before. I then said, "If you won’t let me go, I will quit my
job! It is that serious." He then gave me permission to take my new
partner and the ambulance to find her.
No one had any idea of where we would find her house, other than the
name of the town. My partner asked "How do you think we will find
her?" I said "Prayer." I prayed and we set out on
our journey. Amazingly, God led us directly to her home. We were
driving down a backwoods dirt road when I caught a glimpse of her truck, so immediately
we turned into the driveway.
I knocked on the door, no answer. I rang the bell relentlessly, no
answer. I checked all the doors, every door was locked. We noticed
a barn, so my partner went to the barn but found no one. Just as I was
about to kick the front door in, it slowly opened on its own. I pushed
the door the rest of the way open and there swaying in the hallway was my
friend. Her skin was pale, speech slurred, pupils dilated,
and she was about to fall over. Just as I got to her she began to
fall so I caught her and set her down. She had overdosed on
medication. She could not stand to live the life she had been living and she
could not accept the hurts she had been through. All she wanted was to
leave this world and rest in the arms of God.
Brokenness, this is where healing begins. In our brokenness, God
can remove the parts of our lives that He does not desire. These are the
things we must repent from. The sin we must rid our lives of. When
we are broken, God can take our wounds upon himself and heal them. Only
when we are shattered can God take the pieces He desires and put us back
together again. Brokenness is being wholly and completely surrendered to
the Lord and resting in His arms. Jesus
says “Unless you repent, you too will perish.”
This kind of repentance means you die to yourself and begin to live in
Christ.
Yes it hurts when we finally see ourselves for
who we are, it should hurt. If we don’t
realize how messed up and hurt we are, then how can we ever get better? You don’t need a doctor until you realize you
are sick, therefore you don’t know you need Jesus until you realize you are
messed up and lost without Him. God’s
desire is not to shame us and tear us down. He desires to free us from our sin
and shame so He can lift us up in Jesus’ name.
The picture is of an old rusted car in Montana. Some will see it as junk, others will see it as a treasure to be restored. So many antique cars have been bought as junk, restored only to become priceless in someone else's eyes. I can't help but believe God sees us this way.
1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty
hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because
he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls
around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
