The Search for the Purposes of Church

During the time I agreed to lead our Wednesday night youth and the day I surrendered to the ministry, I was attempting to mimic other youth pastors and their methods of ministry.  I really had no budget to work with and not much money of my own to invest.  What I did have I spent on trying to make our Wednesday night youth appealing to our local students.  Honestly, that was an epic failure.    God had called me into His ministry not my ministry or the ministry of someone else.  My failure was trying to fulfill and mimic what others were already doing.  I was not seeking what God wanted to be done. 

It is funny how we have it in our heads that God needs all the fancy gadgets and latest technology to reach the lost.  The irony was in what I did have.  The digital projector was broken, I had no laptop, and the youth building was and still is the old church with no pews.  We did have an old pool table, a ping pong table and one basketball goal.  The floors were and still are bare.  The walls are just a plain white with grungy smudges everywhere.   No fancy lights, no fancy décor, no band, and no cool place to just hang out. What we had and still have is the blah boring bare minimum, a scratchy sound system, and an old school plastic sheet projector.  Most youth would walk in and think “really, are you for real!” and walk out.  In spite of all this, we are blessed beyond measure, we really are.  Today we do have a working computer projector and a somewhat working laptop. 

After several weeks of leading the youth, reality set in.  God wanted something different than what I was attempting to create and mimic.  If He really wanted what I was trying to do He would have provided for those needs.  So the big question was; “What was it that God had planned?”

The first night I led youth, there was 9 students in attendance.   Several weeks later there were 12-15.  Obviously something was wrong.  Please do not be mistaken, it’s was not about how many kids you can draw in and entertain.  It is about making an impact in the life of a student for Christ.  If you have a hundred or even a thousand and not one life is reached for Christ, then it is all in vain.  If you only have one and that one life is changed for Christ, then it is all worth every effort you have made. 

One fact I knew for sure was; we had more than one in our community that needed to meet the Lord.  I also realized that what I was doing really wasn’t what The Lord wanted.  The kids I was ministering to were the kids of parents who had been attending our church for years.  They all grew up in the church and they were expected to be a part of the youth group.  Not that this was a bad thing, because it was not.  The problem was our youth ministry was bound by the walls and membership of our church.  God never intended it to be that way. 

I began to pray faithfully, “Lord, what is it that our youth need? How do you want me to lead and minister?”  As I became more faithful in praying and more in tune to listening to God’s voice instead of making sure God heard my voice, I began to hear what He desired.  I began to realize that what God wanted was not entertainment it was church.  I began to see what God’s church looked like.  It had no walls or fancy comfortable interiors.  God’s church was the people.  With that in mind, I began to focus on what we did have and not what I thought we should have.  I no longer sought after the images of other youth groups; I sought after the images of Christ’s church and its purpose.

God began to put things on my heart and my mind of what He wanted.  It seemed like every time I asked He would respond “Church!”  As I would read His word and pray, I began to realize what Church was suppose to look like and what its purposes were.  When we make church what we want it to be and not what God has called it to be it may look attractive and nice on the outside, but in the inside, it is dead.  In my next post I will share what God showed me, and how He confirmed the purposes of His church. 

 

The picture is of a church in Romania.  the inside was absolutely gorgeous.  The outside was surrounded by homeless people with great need. There is something wrong with that. 

Matthew 23:27 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

God Does Not Call the Qualified, He Qualifies the Called

I spent the next several months after the youth mission trip to Mobile Alabama debating with God.  He was calling me to youth ministry and I was trying to convince Him that I was the wrong guy.  I promise I had more excuses that Moses’ ever dreamed of having.  At times, I would think to myself; “I can do this.  All I need to do is be more like this youth pastor or that youth pastor.”  I was always looking at the ministries of other pastors trying to figure out how I could mimic their gifts, talents, abilities, and methods.  However, I would always come to the same conclusion; I cannot be that person.  Then I would say to God "see I told you so."

Sunday February 14, 2010 is the day it all came to a head between God and I.  I was sitting in the front pew of the church waiting for the morning services to start.  Everything seemed routine and normal; there was nothing out of the ordinary.  All of the sudden I began to hear in an audible voice "Are you, or are you not going to surrender to ministry?"  I know it was not an audible voice that others could hear, neither was it an audible voice I heard in my own ears.  It was however an audible voice I could hear coming from within my soul.  I cannot explain it, but I just know it was audible and it came from my heart not my head.  I tried to tune the voice out and ignore it, but I could not. 

Worship music started and I began to sing.  The louder I sang the louder the voice inside my soul spoke.  Again I tried ignoring it, but I could not.  My heart began to pound in my chest and my voice began to quiver as I was singing.  It got so bad I could not sing any more.  When I could no longer sing and all I could do was listen, the music began to fade. Then, God said something different.  I heard this; "The answer is either yes or no.  If yes, I will do great things in and through you.  If no, I will be finished with you and I will ask no more."  Immediately tears began to stream from my eyes and I said "yes!" 

After saying "yes!" to God, I walked over to our pastor Brother Steve.  The worship music was still playing but that did not stop me.  I told him I was surrendering my life to ministry.  Brother Steve smiled, patted me on the back and said, "It's about time."  At the end of the service, I went before the church and made my profession of commitment to ministry public.  I never felt so excited about my faith before than like I did that day.  God was not looking at my qualifications all He wanted from me was a simple yes.   Yes meant that I would surrender all my trust upon Him.  He would do the qualifying for His calling on my life. 

The excuses I had were all about me and not about what God could do.  Ministry should never ever be about the pastor or leader; it should always be about God.   God created us in His image and we try to recreate God in our image when we try to justify God by our qualifications.  How sinfully wrong we are in this thought process.  God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.  Therefore any ministry built apart from God’s qualifying abilities is a failed ministry.  May I go as far as saying that any ministry built apart from the qualifications of the living God amount to nothing more than idolatry. 

The picture is CHAGY the Clown ministering and sharing the gospel with some kids in Nicaragua.  If you know anything about clowns, they can act pretty foolish.  CHAGY is one of the most God qualified evangelists I know.  

I Corinthians 1:25-31 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. 26 Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Test of Faith and Dependence

February 5, 2008 our faith in trusting The Lord was put to the test. I was at home with a 103 F^o fever feeling horribly sick. The weather that day was warmer than normal for our area of the country.  It was actually pretty nice out all day that is until that night.  I remember the high winds and dark clouds rolling in.  I stepped outside the house and saw what looked like a wall cloud to me.  Then all of the sudden, my work pager went off; "We need immediate help, an imminent tornado has been spotted and headed towards Gassville." I ran to the kitchen, swallowed four ibuprophen and rushed out the door.


I was driving my suburban into the town of Gassville, when all of the sudden debris was flying all around me.  First it was shingles, then pieces of roof, then power lines, then pieces of house walls, and then a couch and other miscellaneous furniture. I had driven right into the path of the tornado.


The test did not come that night in the midst of the tornado; it came a few days later.  Our oldest daughter Kenzie was helping clean up the tornado damage when she accidently stepped on a nail.  At first it didn’t seem like a big deal.  That night I got a prescription for an antibiotic from one of our ER doctors that was on duty. The following day we took her to get a tetanus shot.  To our surprise, her doctor admitted her to the hospital for intravenous antibiotics.


What happened next was very complicated.  So I am going to make it as short as I can.  Kenzie did not get better.  Whatever was going on from the infection caused by the nail in her foot traveled throughout her body.  It started in her right foot, then up her leg, right side, right arm, into her head, down the left arm, left side, left leg and finally her right foot.  She was developing excruciating pain throughout her body, experiencing uncontrolled muscle contractions, loss of motor function and bizarre rashes. Tetanus is what we thought. However after several doctor visits, tests, exams, and studies at numerous hospitals no one could figure out definitively what was wrong.


Since no tests or studies revealed anything abnormal, we were turned away repeatedly by various doctors.  Most had decided that our daughter who was a 4.0+ grade point average high school student was a behavioral problem.  We were even told that she was attention seeking and drug seeking.  As her parents we knew better and her bizarre symptoms just simply were impossible to self induce.  For example, one night she said her legs felt strange.  I pulled the covers off to look and one leg was blue and hot to touch, the other was red and cold to touch.  Those symptoms lasted about 20-30 minutes and resolved on their own.  Frequently, portions of her veins would turn bright red like someone had taken a red marker and traced them.  Like her legs, the vein symptoms would last several minutes and then dissipate by themselves as well. There were numerous other bizarre symptoms, but like I said it was very complicated. 


We eventually ended up in Saint Louis Missouri at the Children’s Hospital.  Finally someone was willing to listen.  A neuro specialist told us, "I have no idea what is going on.  I believe it is a compilation of a few things, but nothing specific that I can identify and treat specifically."  He decided to continue the treatment she was currently on.  He was completely opposed to stopping her medications completely like the previous doctor had suggested we do.  The plan was to continue treatment as prescribed and hope that she would take a turn for the better or something obvious and more definitive might emerge.


Kenzie's condition had continued to worsen significantly.  She missed pretty much the remainder of her school year.  We did not know if she was going to become permanently disabled or even die. Being that Carri and I are both medical professionals, we knew something was horribly wrong.  Sadly for the most part every doctor and specialist we had seen blamed her condition on psychological issues, except for the one specialist in Saint Louis.  By the way, Kenzie graduated high school as the salutatorian of her class and now is a pre-med major in college.


There were so many days and nights that Kenzie would just cry. All she wanted was for someone to believe her and figure out what was wrong.  The best we got was in Saint Louis.  Even there we had no answers.  Kenzie wanted her life back.  Carri and I wanted our daughter back.  It was so hard not having answers and not being able to help our own child.  All we could do was pray and trust the LORD.


I remember telling my daughter on numerous occasions; "God does not need a diagnosis, or even a doctor.  He knows what is wrong and He can choose to heal you if He wants to. We just have to trust that He will be glorified through all of it, and He will use this someday."


After several months, Kenzie was completely healed.  We never did find out what was causing all her pain, disabilities and bizarre symptoms. We do know this; God did not use one doctor to restore her health.  He taught Kenzie some very valuable lessons about depending on Him.  I learned that Kenzie really was His, I was not in control.

 

This was a pretty good test for us.  We could have turned away from God for allowing our child to suffer.  Instead we trusted in Him growing stronger in our faith and developing an even deeper dependence on Him because of it.  Also, I can’t help but realize how much sin is like this bizarre illness.  Sin ravages our body and takes control of our lives.  The bible even says we are dying in our sin.  Nothing in this world can help us and nothing of this world can save us.  The only hope we have is Jesus Christ. 

The picture is of a house damaged by the tornado in Gassville, Arkansas

2 Corinthians 1:9-10  Indeed we felt as if the sentence of death had been passed against us, so that we would not trust in ourselves  but in God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from so great a risk of death, and he will deliver us. We have set our hope on him that he will deliver us yet again, 

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Huntington’s Chorea Disease, True Hope in the Midst of Hopelessness

This story is a little bit long; PLEASE do not let that stop you from reading it.  I promise it is POWERFUL!

Even though our faith had become lukewarm and complacent, life was still going good for us by the world's standards.  In spite of our good life, we were still only going through the religious motions.  I really did not have a healthy dependence on God. There really was not a need for dependence since things were going pretty good, so I thought.  In my mind, I pretty much had things under control by my own power and will. 

I honestly believe that this is the problem with most Christians; life seems good so we forget that we really need God.  Truth is we do not have control as much as we think we do.  Every moment we are one second, one heartbeat, and one breath closer to death.  The strongest Christians I know are the ones who have had their days numbered.  The days are numbered by cancer or some other incurable disease.  It seems when the end of life has become imminent and foreseeable, a sense of urgency arises.  It is then that we have hit rock bottom and realize; we do not have control.  The only hope we have left is God and His mercy.  Family and friends cannot help us, doctors and medicine cannot heal us, and we cannot save ourselves. 

Our family has been given a “hopeless diagnosis.”  My wife Carri and I had been going to the Huntington’s Disease Society of America, (HDSA) Center for Excellence in Saint Louis Missouri at Barnes Jewish Hospital.  For three months, we had been traveling to Saint Louis for a series of hospital visits.   Our first visit, we both had to undergo psychological evaluation.  Our second visit we were psychologically evaluated again and blood tests were drawn. It was during our final visit that we were once again psychologically evaluated to determine if we were mentally and emotionally stable enough to receive the results of the blood test.   The doctor and the social worker both agreed that Carri and I were mentally, emotionally and psychologically stable enough to receive the results of Carri’s blood test.

December 19, 2005 we received our “hopeless diagnosis.” Carri tested positive for the genetic disease Huntington's Chorea.  We sat together hand in hand with tears flowing from our eyes as we heard the doctor say, "I am so sorry, Carri is positive for Huntington's disease."  I could not help but notice that both the doctor and our social worker had tears in their eyes as well. 

For Huntington's Chorea, there is no cure, no medicine, and no treatment.  Within this genetic disease itself, there is no hope.  If you have the gene, you will have the disease.  Each of your children stands a 50% risk of carrying the gene as well.  We have four children.  If they have the gene, they will have the disease also.  Statistically two of our four children have Huntington’s disease and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

You may be asking “What makes Huntington's disease (HD) hopeless?”  It is not just the fact that there is no treatment or cure, it is what the disease does that makes it so bad.  The symptoms of Huntington's are similar to Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and psychosis combined.  HD destroys the brains pleasure centers and its positive capabilities such as self-control, happiness, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and such.  The victim is left with anger, rage, depression, hate, frustration, and loss of cognitive abilities, loss of self-control, and all the other negative things you can imagine.  Those ravaged by this disease also lose their ability to physically control their own bodies.  The length of time that it takes from the onset to death can take several years.  That is if suicide or murder does not come first.   Huntington’s disease victims have the highest rates of murder and suicide.  This does not just solely occur with the carriers of the gene, it occurs amongst loved ones as well.  The physical, emotional, and psychological impact is devastating.

As if that is not enough, HD destroys families, marriages, friendships, and jobs.  It ruins anything and everything.  As I said, the victim's brain is robed of everything positive and left with only the negative.  Relationships become hostile and typically fall apart.  Families turn on one another, marriages fail, friends leave, and employers fire.  Most caregivers cannot stand to work with Huntington's patients because of the physical and verbal violence associated with it.  I could go on and on about how bad it is and the numbers of lives that have been destroyed because of it.  I will not.  I hope that what I have said helps you understand how hopeless and grueling of a disease it is.

The first part of our four and a half hour ride home from Saint Louis was in complete silence.  Tears just flowed from both of our eyes.  We both had the thoughts going through our heads about how bleak and hopeless our future had become.  The “good life” did not matter anymore.  I remember thinking “How are we going to deal with and endure what was before us.”  Seriously, we were just given news that was worse than a death sentence.  It was like someone saying "I have bad news and no good news, your lives are about to be destroyed and your suffering is going to last for years.  It is going to affect your marriage, your children, your friends, your job, your neighbors, your finances, and well pretty much everything.  And by the way, there is no hope and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it, welcome to hell."

The silence finally broke after a couple hours.  Carri and I both agreed God was in control.  We knew we had two choices.  The first choice was to surrender to Huntington's disease letting our lives be destroyed and the other was to surrender it all to God.  I do not remember my exact words, but I know I have said this before, "Huntington's does not have to be a monster, and our God is bigger than this.  If God has allowed it, then He will be glorified through it if we are willing to surrender to Him." 

We could no longer live a lukewarm faith just simply going through the motions of religion being complacent with where we were in our relationship and dependence on God.  It was not going to work, not for this.  We prayed and that day we both made a covenant with God.  Our covenant was this, we surrender our all so that you can be glorified through us, let our lives be the proof and evidence of your love.  Use us to reach others so that they may come to know you as well.  We know that true hopelessness only exists apart from you. 

You see by the world's and by medical standards, our lives are without hope.  There is absolutely nothing anyone, any medicine, or any treatment can do.  Nothing can make any of it better or tolerable.  But by the grace of God, He can.  As I write this story, it has been nearly seven years since Carri was diagnosed with this dreaded disease.  In those years, God has taken us to places we never would have imagined.  I can honestly say that we are blessed because of Huntington’s Chorea disease.  Sure we have our hard times and challenges, but God has magnified Himself in and through us in ways I had never thought possible.  Spiritually, we both have been on fire since that day.  God has given us a passion and a hope that just refuses to burn out.  God has taken our hopeless curse and turned it into a blessing.  He is showing the world who He really is because of it.  In the days to come I will be sharing more about what God has done since that time. 

Please allow God to use us to encourage you, not matter what you are facing.  His HOPE is real and true.  Feel free to message me or even send an email.  Our desire is that we can share with others what God has done for us so that they will find the same living hope we have. 

the picture is Carri sharing her testimony about Huntington's disease in Nicaragua, 2011.

John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

May My Life Be the Proof and Evidence of Christ’s Love!

Luke Warm Complacent Christianity and Hitting Hopeless Rock Bottom

The stories I have shared so far about what I have seen and experience God do is just a small sample. You probably think that I would have had a unstoppable fire for the Lord just through the few things I have shared. The reality is no. Sure I had spiritual highs when I thought I could conquer Hell with a water pistol, but those highs were short lived. The things I had been doing had become routine. Even in the routine of going through the motions there were still times when I was burning hot spiritually. Those times were associated with the emotionally exciting events centered around MFUGE and Church camp experiences.

My spiritual life as a whole had really become luke warm and complacent. I had become comfortable in what I was doing. In my mind, I was doing more than most people. So with that said, I was better off. I was paying my dues by volunteering in Sunday school, vacation bible school, church camp, and MFUGE. I went to church most Sunday mornings. I even graced the church with my presence on Wednesday and Sunday nights, when it was convenient for me.

So how did I become so luke warm and complacent? I think it was because I had become comfortable. For the most part, everything was going well. We had no real significant needs and we were managing things comfortably on our own. My wife was happy, I was happy, the kids were healthy, work was good, Carri had a job, we were able to keep our home, and everyone was getting along. We had no real sense of urgency or great need. I was viewing life through rose colored glasses. I was justifying my spiritual success by comparing it to others who seemed less committed. So as long as I was doing more then God must be more pleased.

As far as my faith I was neither hot or cold, I was just like I said, I was luke warm and complacent. I was not doing anything to grow spiritually or mature in the faith. Neither was I really doing anything to reach others for Christ, including my own children. What better place spiritually can satan get someone? When we are complacent we are quiet, unnoticed, and idle. Being luke warm and complacent achieves nothing for the cause of Christ.

looking back, I am certain Jesus wanted to spit me out. He must have been frustrated and disappointed at my state of spiritual being. He had taken me to amazing places, showed me incredible things, and used me to achieve His glory. With all that said, how did I show my appreciation? I did not, I became idle and lazy instead. I was partially committed to attending church and slightly better than average at serving. However my faith had become mostly private. I was justified in my own eyes by simply going through the motions. Going through the motions meant I had no real dependence on Christ. My faith had become nothing more than partially committed ritualistic religious practices, highlighted by occasional acts of service.

What I needed was for God to put me in a place where I had no other choice but to depend on Him. So why does it take hitting rock bottom where neither you or anyone else can help before someone will totally trust in Christ? It is when you hit rock bottom and become completely helpless that you either turn to or turn away from the one who can rescue you. It becomes a choice of living or dying. It is so easy for a christian to become spiritualy dead. Spiritually dead is that luke warm place we often find ourselves. To be spiritually alive, we must have the same mind, heart and soul as Paul describes in Phillipians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

What I did not know at this point in my life is that God was about to get my attention. My wife and I were about to hit rock bottom with only two choices, one turn from Christ and die spiritually or completely depend on Christ and live. I am so glad He did not spit me out. Never do I want to become useless to my Lord. In my next story I will share how God brought our family to rock bottom in order to get our attention. We were literally taken to a place where there was NO HOPE, except through Him.

The picture is of a guy sleeping on a statue in front of Union Station, Washington DC.


Revelations 3:16 So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ love!

Beware Got a New Name!

Stepping down from the management position I had allowed me significantly more free time. The extra free time allowed me to become more active in serving with our church. Our oldest daughter Mackenzie was a teenager during this time and she loved the youth group and the things they did together. One of the more significant influences was the youth mission trip, MFUGE. MFUGE is a youth focused mission trip, through Lifeway ministries. MFUGE is best described as a youth church camp, mission trip and revival on steroids.

Carri and I have always been very active in our children's lives and their friend's lives. So MFUGE was a great opportunity for me to do something special with Kenzie in serving the Lord and building her faith with her friends. My first MFUGE mission trip that I helped chaperone was in Saint Louis Missouri.

This story is not about what happened with Kenzie, her friends and I. This story is about what I saw God do. He began to open my eyes to what happens when we truly submit to Him. When we surrender our all, He directs us in ways we could not imagine and He uses us in ways we can't believe.

My first opportunity through MFUGE was at a children and youth center. God brought to my attention a kid who called himself "Beware." Beware was a gang member, and he was about to be kicked out of the youth program. I was told by one of the adults at the center that Beware would not be coming back, that particular day was his last day. Beware had been enlisting other kids to join the local gang along with pushing drugs.

I asked the director if Beware could stay until the end of the week. At first, I was told "no." I went on to say, "God had put him on my heart, and I believed that God was going to use me to make a difference in his life. Could he please be given until the end of the week? If nothing changed, then by all means let him go." Shockingly, I was told "yes."

Boldly I began to build a relationship with Beware. I say boldly, I promise I was not comfortable at all. After a couple of days, I asked Beware if I could ask him some very serious questions. I also told him I wanted to share my life story with him as well. There was some divine intervention, Beware said "sure."

I asked Beware this question; "Are you satisfied with your life, or do you feel like something is missing?" Beware did not answer, but that was ok. No answer meant he was thinking about it. I went on to share my testimony with him. The same testimony that I have been sharing over the last few weeks. When I was finished, Beware had tears in his eyes. He mumbled, "I am not satisfied, my life is hopeless."

I shared the gospel with Beware and then asked him if he wanted to receive the gift of life through Jesus Christ. He said yes! It was right there in the middle of the youth center in front of all the other children and youth that we prayed together, Beware accepted Jesus Christ into his life as Lord and savior. When we were finished praying Beware said to me, "my name is Brandon, call me Brandon. I have a new life now"

Brandon returned the next day with a rap song that he wrote proclaiming his new faith and new life. He stood before the entire group and sang his new song. Everyone was cheering, even the programs director.

The following year we returned to Saint Louis and one of our youth met Brandon at the same youth center. Brandon was never told to leave. Instead, he became a leader in the same place he was nearly kicked out of a year before.

The picture is Brandon rapping his new song about his new name and his new life of HOPE in Jesus Christ!

Revelations 2:17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Good v. Evil, the Spiritual Battle

I willingly stepped down from my management position and accepted a staff medic job. My new position was a a 12 hour shift working 3 days one week 4 days the next. Not too bad, it gave me more days off to enjoy family. My partner, was a young very attractive brunette. She was energetic, and a little on the wild side. Most guys were attracted to her and found her very fun to be around.

Good v. Evil, that was the bet going on. Most people put their wages on evil. I was well known for my christian faith that being the good and my partner was better known for being wild that being the evil. I'm pretty sure there was a few co-workers who hoped that I would stumble and fall. Their prayer was that I would give in to temptation and have an affair. Ultimately ruining my credibility as a christian and my name.

Here is what the gamblers didn't know, God blessed me with a wife. My wife is my prize and I am perfectly happy at home. As far as having a lustful eye, God blessed me with lustful blindness. I see far beyond the superficial outward beauty, I see the heart. When it came to my new partner, sure she was beautiful young lady, but she was very broken and hurt on the inside.

Just saying for those ladies who are blessed with outward beauty, it is also a curse. A curse because many men can't get past the outside and view you as a challenge. They will do and say anything they can to capture you and use your body. I call them predators. If a man can not appreciate your beauty on the inside first, then he is not worthy of a relationship with you. Your body is a gift from God, and God wants to give that gift to the man He has chosen for you. Protect it.

Within no time at all, my new partner became a good family friend. My wife loved her and so did my children. As our friendship grew, I began to learn how right I was about her hurt and broken she was feeling inside. She began to share about the abuse she faced throughout her life. Physical, sexual, verbal, all kinds of abuse. Her number one perpetrator was her father.

Our family began to minister to her. I would listen at work, I would give advice, most of all I encouraged Christ. She began coming to church with us and over time she began to see who God was. It was during a revival service with Ron Herrod when she gave her life to Christ. That is when healing began. The healing process was painful for her, but God was now on the inside where He could work best in this hurt broken life.

As far as good v. evil, God won! In my next post I will share more about the pain and how God acted in a divine way. You will not want to miss the next post. There was definitely a battle going on and it was spiritual for sure.

The picture is not my partner, this pretty girl is Allison. She is absolutely one of the most beautiful people I know. She is my Hero in the Faith. I am so blessed to know her. If you ever want to experience God, you should meet her.

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Lost My Job and Doubled My Mortgage

I had shared in a previous post that we were living the "American Dream."  We were not filthy rich by any means, but I had a great job that made very good money that allowed Carri to stay home with our kids. We had a three bedroom 2 1/2 bath house on 2 acres out in the country. We were living rather comfortably and we were able to enjoy the greater pleasures of life.

Six people in a three bedroom house for a family like ours was getting just a little tight. With the income I had, it was not an issue or a problem to either buy a bigger house or add on to the home we already had. After some sincere prayer, we decided to add on to our current home. The addiction included a larger dining room, living room, two more bedrooms, laundry room, tornado shelter, and a two-car garage. Yes, that was a lot to add on to a house.  But hey, God blessed us with the finances and the ability to do so. As a result, we doubled the size of our home and we doubled our mortgage.

Meanwhile, what I did not know is that my job was on the line. I was going to lose my job not because I was failing to perform, or even performing inadequately. My job was on the line because there were employees who did not care for my management style. I led as a Christian leader. I never forced my faith or ever made others feel uncomfortable because of it. I treated staff the way I felt Christ would have treated them. I was caring, compassionate, and willing to do whatever I could to help.  Even if that meant forgiving an employee who deserved to be fired and giving them a second chance. I was a responsible steward of the operation and capital budgets as well.

What went wrong at work, I may never know the full truth. I do know there were employees who were jealous of my position and wanted someone different. There were cliques and divisions amongst certain groups.  In addition, a few would even undermine what I was trying to accomplish. As a result, I was falsely accused of irresponsibility, harassment with my faith, and favoritism.  Complaints became surmounting and relentless. Administrations hand was forced to do something. I was given this ultimatum, step down from my position, or take probation for 3 months. At the end of three months if I had not been able to achieve the goals set for my department then I would be terminated.

I was shocked! The service I had been managing had become a magnet service in the state. People were lined up for years trying to get a job with us, and turnover was virtually nonexistent. The quality and standards had increased significantly and notably, even at the state level. Managers from all over the state and others were calling me for advice. What was happening? It almost seemed to me as if there were a spiritual battle going on. There were two extreme views of my performance.  On one side, everything was perfect and could not be any better.  The other side I was a failure, a cheat, a chauvinist, and I showed favoritism.

I knew in my heart that I was doing what was right.  The obvious evidence confirmed it from every angle. I decided I was going to take the probation. I met with our human resources director and she told me this: "Bill I like you a lot, and I don't see anything wrong with your performance. I am talking to you as a friend. Do not take the probation, step down." I asked "why?" She replied; "Because you will lose your job, administration has set your goals and expectations so high no one can achieve what they are expecting of you. You will be set up for certain failure if you accept probation."

My first thoughts were these: "I just added on to my house and now my mortgage is doubled. If I step down and become a staff medic, I will lose more than half of my income. Why is this happening God, why? I have done nothing wrong."

Carri and I prayed and we just simply asked for peace. God granted that peace even though our so-called "American Dream" was coming to an abrupt end. Today I am so thankful that God allowed that door to be closed, literally right in my face. It was hard, but He opened doors that I have never imagined. He brought us to a new path that makes the "American Dream" seem like foolishness and nothing more than a superficial pleasure.

I cannot wait to continue sharing my story.  It will blow you away what God has done, and what He is continuing to do. As far as the truly hopeless situation in my life, you have not heard about it yet.

OK, the picture really has nothing to do with this post.  It is my Grandpa, and he is one of my heroes. I love him so much.  He is always telling me, "I am so proud of you!"  "You just might become the next Billy Graham."  Probably not grandpa, but God is using my life for His Glory!

Psalms 119:35-37 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. 36 Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. 37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Our Fourth Baby

After Brenton was born we were living the American dream. I was managing an ambulance service and making good money. We had the 2.5 kids (actually 3), owned our own home on 2 acres, drove two cars, and we took vacations at least twice a year. Carri did not have to work and we were not living check to check. Things were looking up for us. We were truly blessed. Overall, everyone was healthy and happy.

Just when we thought we were blessed to the max, we found out Carri was pregnant again. We were so excited. We absolutely loved having our children and being able to raise them in a Christian home. God must have thought a lot of us as parents. He was allowing us to have 4 children, and all the means we needed to provide for them.

Christmas 1998, we decided it was time to share the awesome news with family. Carri's mom Sandy and her dad were visiting from Colorado. We thought that the timing was perfect; there could be no better gift than to announce another grand-baby was on he way. We bought Sandy a necklace with four children on it as a gift and to surprise her. That was going to be our special way of letting her know. We just knew she was going to be excited. Sandy loved babies.

Christmas day 1998, we gave Carri's mom her present, that special surprise necklace. We were all gathered around the tree just waiting for the surprise on her face. We could hardly stand it, we were so excited. Sandy opened the box and was speechless. One of us said "surprise! You are getting another grand-baby." The look on her face quickly turned to anger. Sandy was furious.

You are probably wondering why she was so upset. She was upset, because Sandy had a genetic disease called Huntington's chorea. Huntington's is one of the most monstrous of all diseases. It literally ruins lives and destroys families. The children of Huntington's victims have a 50% Chance of having the disease themselves. I will tell more about Huntington's disease later in another story. Understand this; Sandy knew statistically two of her four grandchildren would most likely have the disease that was now plaguing her body. In her mind, we were fools for bringing children into this world only to have such a high risk of suffering such a devastating and monstrous disease.

Cassidy was born in august of 1999. Not without complication though. To make a long story short, there were problems with the labor because Cassidy was breach. We prayed, and she was delivered by an emergency c-section. She was healthy but a rather cranky baby to say the least.

As time went on, Sandy fell quickly and madly in love with her newest grandchild. Like I said, Sandy loved babies. We quickly learned that God used Cassidy to keep Sandy going. She loved all her grandchildren and even said she could not have imagined life with any of them not being there.

I shared this part of our lives for a couple reasons. We have a genetic disease hanging over our heads. This disease ruins lives and destroys families. If we had lived in fear, we would not have had the four amazing children that we have today. In fact, the doctor of our first pregnancy suggested that we have genetic testing done. If the testing came back positive, then he suggested that we have an abortion. Abortion was never, I repeat never an option for us. God does not make mistakes.

It has been very evident that God brought each one of our children into this world for very special reasons. Each one has made an impact for God in their lives and the lives of others. I believe that our children are the proof and evidence of God's love. If we had surrendered to fear, then we would have missed some of God's greatest blessings.

The picture is of our children from 2004. They are much bigger now. They are on the beach of the Pacific Coast of Northern California.

Matthew 6:27, 34 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

You are Going to Lose Your Baby

Everything seemed to be going fairly well after our spontaneous move to Arkansas. We were living in our first home, we both had decent full time jobs, and Carri was pregnant with our second child. Baby number two was due July 1994. Quite honestly, about the only thing missing was the white picket fence around our yard. Other than that, we were living that dream life. We had friends, family, church, a small house in the country, and a dog. What more could you ask for.

A few months before our baby was due, Carri began having some problems. She was having pain, and some minor bleeding. We were not too concerned, but we knew enough that it was not normal. The symptoms she was having continued to get worse, so we decided it was time to have her checked by a doctor.

I was working when the doctor sent Carri to the hospital to have an ultrasound. I talked to the guys I was working with and they all said, "Go be with your wife, we will cover you. Come back as soon as you can." So, I took the offer and went with Carri to her ultrasound. It was kind of strange, because the tech did not want me in the room while they were doing the procedure. I was not too happy, I wanted to see the babies heart beat and face if I could. The tech said no, I could not go this time.

Something just did not seem right, so I went and talked to one of my ER doctor friends. She said, "I will go down to radiology and see what I can find out." Dr. Ash was gone a little longer than I thought she should have been, but I figured she was side tracked. After what seemed like an eternity, maybe 45-60 minutes Dr. Ash returned. I could tell something was wrong by the look on her face. She said this; "Bill, I am so sorry, Carri has an abrupted placenta and she is going to lose the baby. You need to take your wife home and prepare yourselves for what is going to happen."

Wow! I felt like every positive emotion I had just melted away. I was left standing there completely empty. Then, pain and sorrow began to fill me up. Tears flowed from my eyes. I felt completely helpless. I remember thinking; Why would God take something so precious away from us? We were doing all the right things. I gave my life to Him, we moved for Him, we dedicated our first child to Him; we were faithfully attending church… Helpless and hopeless is how I felt. I had to take my wife home so we could lose our baby. After Carri and I held each other and cried, we went home.

After we got home, this is what we did, we prayed. We told God that this baby was His just like the first child He blessed us with. Then we said, "God this is your baby, if you want to take her home you can. However, we are asking for a miracle. If you allow us to keep this child, she will be yours and we will raise her along with the first in a Christian home. We will do everything we can to teach them your ways and show them who you are. Our children will always be dedicated to you."

July 20, 1994 our second baby girl was born. She was as healthy as any parent could hope. Today, she is a very godly woman, who is passionate about finding God's will for her life. We are so proud of who she is and what she has allowed God to do in her life. We are blessed with all the children God has given us. They all have a true heart for the Lord.


The picture is the beautiful baby we should have lost, serving on the mission field in Nicaragua, taking care of babies!

We did and said just as Hannah when she dedicated Samuel to the Lord.

I Samuel 1:27-28 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."


May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Jesus Says Follow Me, He Didn't Ask to Follow You

Why do we get the idea in our heads and think that we know better than God does. When we pray, we typically tell Him what to do. We pray things like heal this sickness, I need to make more money, and so on. One of my favorites “Bless this food to nourish my body, in Jesus name amen!” As if, God is going to take your extra large fast food high fat, high calorie meal and turn it into manna, I think not.

A big thing we tell God is where we want to and need to go. God does not work that way. He did not do it in the Old Testament with the Israelites, and He did not do it in the New Testament either. As a matter of fact, He pretty much leads people to places that just do not make sense. The Israelites He led into the desert. His disciples he always said "come follow me." He never said, “Hey guys, can I come with you and make you disciples.” He leads us to some of the most unlikely places that simply just do not make sense. That is until we get there and we can look back. Hindsight is always 20/20.

1992, was the year our oldest daughter Kenzie was born. Having a child really makes you look at things from a different perspective. We faced Hurricane Andrew in south Florida just a few days after she was born. That will open your eyes and make you consider a safer place to live in order to protect your family from devastation. But something else caught my attention even more. I was working for Broward County Fire Rescue during that time, and I began to notice something even more disturbing. I was witnessing firsthand the escalating rate of crime, drug trafficking, gang violence, and domestic abuse. We were living in a place that was becoming a war zone. Home robberies were becoming more common, crack cocaine and other drug related incidents were on the rise, drive by shootings and other gang related violence was occurring daily and domestic abuse was everywhere. The overwhelming thought; “This is no place to raise a child”, consumed our minds daily. We knew it was time to go somewhere, but where? So we began to pray, seeking God's direction.

During the summer of 1993, we felt God leading us to a small town in Arkansas. Carri had family living there, so we went for a visit. While visiting the area we also searched for jobs. Carri seemed to be able to find a job everywhere she went. I could not find a job no matter how hard I begged. I was very discouraged because I felt God was leading us to Arkansas. If He was leading us there, then why could I not find a job? Carri’s income was certainly not going to be enough. We were going to need both our incomes in order to just make ends meet.

Carri and I spent a few sleepless nights just praying and asking for God’s direction and a sign. All He would give us is the burden within our hearts to move. There was no other sign. Arkansas that is where He was leading us. Move to Arkansas, with no job except Carri’s. Lose half our income and no other way to pay or bills or make ends meet. Oh and spend all we have to move there and have nothing left when we arrived. It did not make sense, but God said move, so we did. A few weeks later, we were moving into the basement of Carri’s aunt and uncle’s house with our 1-year-old baby.

What we did not know then is what God was going to do with us once we arrived. I am certain for one, God was looking for obedience. Obedience is hard especially when it makes no sense and it does not seem rational. But God knew our needs and He provided. Within two weeks, I had a full time job and a few months later, I was managing an ambulance service making more money than I ever dreamed and Carri no longer had to work. Money is not everything and I no longer have that job, but that is yet another God story.

As I continue sharing my story, you will see how this step of obedience was a crucial part of God's will for our lives. I encourage you, if God says go, go don't question why even when it makes no sense. Trust in The Lord and you will be blessed!

The picture is of me on my first foreign mission trip to Satu Mare, Romania. Notice the Hog's scrub top! This trip never would have happened if we chose not to follow Christ to Arkansas.

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Philippians 4:19 and my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Part 1 -I Finally Found God!

If you read any of my posts, you must read this one, and the next. These are the posts that may make it all click for you in finding Hope in your hopelessness; these are the ones that will show you who God is. It is in this Hope, in truly knowing God, and who He is that has turned my world upside down. It was this hope that brought healing into my heart, brought meaning to my soul, and purpose into my life. I found peace that surpassed all understanding. My soul was brought to life.

It is this very Hope that has sustained me in spite of any and all sufferings I have and still face. It is this very Hope that has brought my life face to face with the one true living God through Jesus Christ Gods sinless, crucified and resurrected son.

Larry and I began our discipleship during the spring of 1993. I must say, it was not what I thought it would be. It had nothing to do with joining a cult or any other bizarre ritualistic behaviors. Larry simply began sharing with me what the Holy Bible was, how it was arranged, how to find scripture, spiritual truths, attributes of God, the Holy trinity, the death of Christ on the cross and His resurrection.

God got my attention, and now for the first time I was about to discover who God was. Not just discover who God was, but literally experience permanently the presence of the Lord in my life every moment of every day that day forward. There were many other things that Larry taught me, but one particular lesson made it all click. Jesus Christ truly is the way, the truth and the life. Just as He says in John 14:6.

I am just going to cut to the chase with this. Larry shared three very important and critical spiritual truths. Here is what they were: First, we are all sinners. Second, we deserve punishment for our sin. Third, God wants to give us the gift of eternal life instead of death.

All this time before I thought I would find God in a church, through an idol, and maybe even through my own spiritual focus. I allowed man to define who God was; I allowed life circumstances to prove if God was love, and simply I tried to define God by my terms. God was not in my definition, God was not in a makeshift cross that I could wear, God was not in a Saint Luke pendant, God was not in the walls of a church, God was not in a wax Buddha, He was not in Scientology, He was not in transcendental meditation, and God was not even found in religious rituals. He was not anywhere that I was expecting.

I had always expected God to do something to prove himself to me. The simple fact He already had. Two thousand years before, He already proved himself. He did it by dying on a cross in my place and rising from the dead 3 days later. He did by suffering brutal beatings, horrendous persecution, a terrifying death surrounded by people cursing Him, spitting on him, and mocking Him all while He was completely innocent. And what did He do? He willingly surrendered His life in order to forgive those who have persecuted him unto His death. Then He shreds open the curtain separating us from His Holiness and says "come follow me, welcome in." Immediately the holy people whom had died were all raised to life in and through Jesus Christ. And it gets even better, Sunday is coming! What more could I ask for?

Prior to this point what my heart was really saying was this: "God what you did on Calvary was not good enough, I expect more." In my next post I will share how God spoke to me revealing Himself and changing my life forever more.

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

The picture is of children from Niquenohomo, Nicaragua. It reminds me of the child like faith it takes to truly discover God.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

The Word Disciple Freaked Me Out

Larry and Susan truly were an amazing couple. We were in our early 20's and they were in their early to mid 40's. The age gap initially made us feel like they were second parents to us, but as our relationship grew, they became more like best friends. Larry was a retired police officer from Pompano Beach, Florida. I was an active paramedic with Broward County Fire Rescue. For obvious reasons, we related very well to one another. Larry had a way of encouraging me to be a better person, husband and father.

I never felt awkward around Larry that is until one night when he asked a very random question. We were all eating dinner at their house together, just talking, telling stories and laughing. Then all of the sudden, Larry cleared his throat and said "Bill, Carri, Susan and I have been praying about something. We want to disciple the two of you. What do you think of that?" I will tell you what I thought of that. "Disciple, oh wow! I'm just a little freaked out, are these people really apart of some cult and they have sucked us in and now Larry wants to marry my wife and move us to some commune where we will never see our families again? I've seen this stuff on TV before." That is what I was thinking, what I said was very different, "That sounds nice, Carri and I should pray about that." Larry and Susan both smiled and said, "That would be a good idea."

After we Left their house, Carri asked me if I even knew what "disciple" meant. I said "no, not really." Then I may have said what I was thinking earlier, but i am nit sure. Carri laughed at my lack of understanding and then proceeded to tell me what disciple meant. I would bet she knew what I was thinking. Carri then explained; all they wanted to do was spend time with us, teach us what the Bible says and show us who God is. After she explained I thought "Oh, wow! Aren't I stupid?" I was so glad I never opened my mouth and inserted my foot in front of Larry and Susan. Being a very shy and meek person was a blessing in disguise that night.

Carri and I both agreed that discipleship was a great idea. After all, her mom told me I needed to figure out who God was. Up until this point of my life, I only had just a taste, just a little brush of seeing and feeling who God was. Little did I know, the gates were about to be flung wide open. God was about to walk right in to my heart and soul. The one who had been knocking on the door of my life, I was about to meet face to face.


The picture is a homeless boy in Nicaragua that we ministered to. Yes he knows Jesus now! The picture reminds me of how I felt trying to figure out who God was on my own.


Revelations 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

God Used Her Yes To Lead Me Right To Him

Shortly after Carri and I had made amends, we both quickly realized that we were meant to be together. More than just friends. We had a bond that just seemed so natural, like it was meant to be. Although we had our issues and our differences, we had a connection than ran deep into our core. To me we were soul mates chosen before time by some celestial being or goddess. I say that because at this point in my life I still had not figured out who God was.

I made the investment, I bought the ring. I had all kinds of romantic plans on how and when I was going to pose the big question and present the diamond ring. Candle light dinner, romantic music, have the ring delivered on a silver platter, maybe just simply get on my knee at sunset on the beach.... I had lots of ideas. But before I knew it, excitement got the best of me.

We were driving home from Boca Raton Florida and we had just pulled on to the Sawgrass Expressway into Coral Springs. I was excited, nervous, shaking, voice quivering, sweaty.... Carri gently asked me "are you OK?" immediately and sharply I barked back "NO!" Then I pulled my Isuzu pickup off the road rather abruptly, Carri's eyes got as big as a full moon and fear was all over her face. I told her to get out of the truck, she almost freaked out. She had thought I had lost it and was going crazy. After she got out of my truck, I pulled the seat forward and retrieved the gold and diamond ring. I rushed over to her side of the vehicle, got down on one knee and said "I can't stand this anymore, I can't wait any longer....will you marry me?" After the shock wore off, tears streamed down both of our faces and she said "YES!"

That day, that yes was a defining moment for my life. I didn't realize the impact it was going to have at the time, but I knew I had been given a gift. This gift could never have been created, planned or prearranged by just any celestial being or even a make believe goddess at that. It was obvious that Carri was a part of me and I of her. We would soon become husband and wife and our lives would soon merge together as one.

I share this story because I am certain that this was all in God's plan in revealing himself to me. God put Carri in the center of it all and she never even really knew it at the time. God was using her to lead me to Him.

God did not just plan for me to marry some girl, He planned for me to marry Carri before either one of us were ever born. Because of this I have faithfully prayed for my children's spouses ever since each of them were born. My eldest child Mackenzie was recenlty married in May of 2012. There is no doubt that Morgan, her husband, is the man I had been praying for all these years. Just like me and my children, God has someone chosen already for each of us if we are to be married. Trust Him in bringing the two of you together. You don't want to settle for less, I promise.

The picture, yea that's me and my amazing godly wife! Just wait, you won't believe the testimonies and how God is using our marriage! I won't say much right now, but I will say this; God has blessed us with what many people call a curse. It's name is Huntington's disease.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Trying to Figure Out Who God Was

So I thought I knew what Sandy was trying to tell me.  You know, "Figure out Who God is."  So I went back to the drawing board so to speak.  I went over in my mind the things I had tried before.  Catholic Church check, Scientology check, Transcendental meditation check, Buddhism Check, Universalism check, New age check, just simply believing there is a god and telling him what I needed check, and on and on check, check, check, check,….  I'm pretty sure I even threatened God a time or two.  "If you do not ____ then I will ____."  After every Check I was still left empty, full of questions and doubt.  The mystery still remained.  Why had nothing I had desperately tried ever work? 

I remember the questions that bounced around inside my head.   Was this God just simply a way of life? Do your best, live right, treat people good, and have fun?  Maybe god was just simply Karma?  What goes around comes around.  Maybe God is up in the sky and He just can't hear me.  Maybe God once was but now He is dead and can’t help me until I die.  I remember thinking if I try talking to loved ones that have already died, maybe they could tell God what I am asking for?  I even thought I could find God in nature and connecting to the things around me.   I had questions after questions.  Nothing fit, absolutely nothing I had tried, thought, and even desired worked.  I was always left empty inside.   

I really did want to figure out who God was.  Questions just led to more questions.  Answers, well nothing seemed to be just right. One thing I did know is that the answer should be like a revelation, a total “Wow!” moment.  I was not going to settle for just anything.  The answer to who God was, that was going to have to reach my heart and pierce my soul.  Why was religion not working?

In the mean time the relationship Carri and I had was only creating more chaos and confusion with my emotions and thoughts.  I so desperately wanted to hold on to her.  After all she was the first thing outside my family that ever reached my heart.  Well it was deeper than that Carri reached my soul.  The girl I loved dating another guy was killing me inside.  Carri was not God, but there was something there that I just could not put my finger on.  I had to have it.  There were times I felt like I was experiencing heaven and then there were times it felt like hell.  I was consumed with our relationship.  Well more like obsessed. 

No matter what, I was going to figure out who God was if that was what it was going to take to win Carri's heart.  The problem I had now; my motivation was having a relationship with Carri.   At that time, me figuring out who God was created more confusion and chaos because it all depended on a relationship.  If the relationship was good, then God was good.  If the relationship was bad, then God was bad.  If I had only knew then what I know today.   How much easier things would have been.   

This picture I took reminds me of all the
times I would go to the beach and ponder
"Who and where was God"

Jeremiah 29:13

You will seek me and find me

when you seek me with all your heart. 

 May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!