I Am Not, But The Great I AM Is

Right after I started leading our churches youth group, we had a youth mission trip. The week of July 4, 2009, I was the new leader for the youth MFUGE trip to Mobile Alabama. MFUGE is comparable to a mission trip, church camp, and revival on steroids. Lifeway ministry organizes these particular events. It was during this week, I debated with God whether or not He could use me.

I had honestly been struggling with the temporary youth leadership role I had been asked to fill. I had no idea how long it was going to take to find a new youth pastor. My struggle was the fact that I was still rather shy, quiet, timid, and fearful. During this week, God began to speak to me in a way I had never heard or experienced before. Repeatedly The LORD was saying "Bill I want you to lead the youth, I want to use you to reach them for Me. I am going to use you to do this. You will teach them to worship and love Me. You will show them who my son is. Your life and leadership will become the proof and evidence of who I am, through you they will come to know me." My immediate response was something like this "God, I am not able, I am not biblically wise, I am not able to speak, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough, I am not courageous enough, I am not secure enough, I am not popular enough, my life is not stable enough, I am not……" Throughout this week and the weeks that followed, this was the context to the debate God and I was having.

The main theme for that years MFUGE was having faith, faith to believe, faith to take a stand, faith to move forward, faith to do what God has called you to do. The story focused on Moses and the burning bush. Moses was drawn to what seemed impossible, a burring bush that was not being consumed. My life was a burring bush because of the things I had faced and dealt with in the past, my personality, lack of confidence, and even more so our battle with Huntington's disease. Just like the burning bush that was not being consumed or destroyed by fire, neither was my life. By all standards, my life and family should have been a train wreck so to speak.

Just like me, Moses had one excuse after another as to why he could not do what God had called him to do. God's response to Moses’ doubt was "I AM." For several months, I argued with God. " I am not able, I am not biblically wise enough, I am not able to speak well, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough, I am not courageous enough, I am not secure enough, I am not popular enough, my life is not stable enough, I am not……blah blah blah…" God's response to every excuse I had was "I AM."

Looking back, my faith and trust in the Lord was weak and pitiful. Who was I to say “No” to God? Of course, I cannot do the things of God, but He can and He will in and through anyone who is willing to surrender and say “Yes.” After all, He is the great I AM.

Are you like Moses and I, do you doubt what God can do in and through you? I assure I was one of the worst doubters, but now I am one of the most assured believers. God is the “I AM.” He is the one who gives us the strength and courage to do what He has called us to do. He has never called anyone to be qualified first. As a matter of fact, no one is qualified enough in self to adequately represent God. God however is adequate enough to qualify those He has called. All you have to do is say “Yes!”

It is in this story and the next couple of stories that I began to discover God’s will and purpose for the church.  The picture is the group of youth we took to MFUGE, Mobile Alabama 2009.

Exodus 3:14 ,God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Jared is Going to Die

The same year that Beware got a new name, God had also put another young man on my heart.  This story is pretty cool.   This kid did not get a new name, but he did a new life.  By the way, this story is a little longer than most, but I promise it is well worth your time to read it.  God did something incredibly amazing!  You will be glad you read it, I promise.

At MFUGE, there are several track groups divided into various ministry focuses.  There are tracks for children's ministry, games and recreation, social, PCY (painting, construction, yard work), and creative.  I was in a group involving children's ministry.  We would go to various sites like youth centers, children's homes, and even community parks.  We spent three days at the youth center where Beware/Brandon was a member.  We spent another two days in East Saint Louis at a community park. 

Our mission at the community park was to promote an outreach for a local church.  We went around the community inviting neighbors to come to the park and enjoy a family fair that we were hosting.  There were games, face painting, skits, crafts, prayer groups, music, tournaments, all kinds of fun and entertainment.  All of this was with the intention to gather community residents together in order to promote their local church. 

I and two other teenagers went out door-to-door inviting people to join us at the park.  We were given a very specific area that would could go and solicit.  Anything outside that area was gang infested; we were not permitted by any circumstance to go into those areas.  Bright colored shirts were not allowed because of the relation to gang colors.  There were a couple problems.  First, I never got the message about NOT wearing bright colors.  I had on a bright red t-shirt.  Second, there was nobody home in the area we were in. 

The teenagers I was with felt very discouraged since we had not been able to invite one person.  So we prayed, we prayed for God to guide us to the houses and to lead us to open doors.  Guess what, God did.

While walking down a particular street we noticed a group of teenagers shooting bottle rockets at apartment across the street breaking windows.  At first, we wanted to turn around because we realized we had entered into "gang territory."  But God said go, I was not the only one who felt that way.  Both of the teenagers I was with felt very strongly the same thing.   Honestly, none of us felt threatened in the least bit.

When we approached the group, it was interesting, we were not threatened but there were some crude remarks made.  I noticed one of the boys appeared to be handicap.  I invited him and the rest of the group to the park to come hang out. My challenge to them was to simply come and just check out what we were doing and what it was all about.  If they did not like it, they could leave.  No promise on their behalf was made.  I expected that would be the last we saw of any of them.

We went home that day disappointed, the gang of boys never showed up.  A few kids did, but not enough to outnumber the MFUGE group of about 25 youth.  We may have had 10-12  neighborhood kids come that day.  That night I prayed, I asked God to bless the efforts of the teenagers and the passionate desire of their hearts to reach kids who live in a very difficult environment.  I asked God to allow them the opportunity to share the hope they had with the kids that felt like there was no hope.

Day two in East Saint Louis rocked our world.  A couple other mission groups joined us in the park.   Kids literally were coming from everywhere, countless numbers of kids and their parents.  It was amazing.  But still there was no sign of the "gang."

Around lunchtime I noticed the handicap boy coming with his parent's and a few other kids.  Some of the teenagers were from that gang we had talked to the day before. When I saw them coming, I knew something divine was about to happen I could just feel it. 

The handicap boy's name was jarred.  I met Jared’s dad as soon as they arrived at the park.  He and I began to talk about church and God.  He told me this, "Jared has been praying for a sign, a sign from God that he will be ok.  He has prayed for months that God would bring someone into his life that could help him."  He went on to say, "Jarred made all of us come today because he felt like God said we all needed to be here, so we came."  I said, "I am so glad you are all here, we just want to encourage you, pray for you, and show you who God is."

Jared's dad then shared something very heart breaking.  He told me that Jarred use to be a very healthy very athletic kid.  He talked about how Jarred had been the spiritual leader in their home and he always kept his family in church.  That is until he got sick.  Jarred had some kind of unidentifiable disease that was ravaging his body.  His arm was drawn up into his chest, he walked with a stiff leg, and his speech was so slurred you could hardly understand what he was saying.  The doctors had no idea what was happening.  What they did know is that Jarred was going to die.  His airway was swelling gradually to the point that it was going to suffocate him to death.  They had seen every specialist in Saint Louis and repeatedly Jared was given no hope to live.

I asked Jared’s dad if we could pray for Jared.  His dad smiled and said, "Please do, please pray for Jarred.  Prayer is so important to him.  His faith is so strong, but his health has pulled him away from church and our family is falling apart.  Please pray."

I gathered up a few of the kids that I felt were strong in their faith.  As a group we gathered around Jared and with his permission prayed.  It was the most spiritually intense prayer experience I had ever felt up until that time.  Tears were flowing out of every eye.  We left that day feeling so broken and yet so touched.   We all felt blessed to have been allowed to be a part of Jared's life that day.  It was so hard for us to go.  None of us wanted to leave Jarred behind.  

Two years later, we returned to Saint Louis for MFUGE.  I never forgot about Jared or Brandon.  I was hoping I might be able to return and find out what happened.  Unfortunately I did not get to go back to Brandon's youth center nor did I get to go back to Jared's neighborhood.

It was during our night church group meeting that I got the answer to what I was hoping for.  I was encouraging our kids to just listen to their hearts and do whatever God was leading them to do.  I then shared Jared’s story.  I shared how God led us to his house, and how we were able to gather around him and pray.  I told them that we will not always know what God will do after we are gone, but we just needed to trust him.  I then told them how powerful our prayer experience was.  This is awesome; one of our girls raised her hand and said, "I know what happened to Jared."  My mouth hit the floor and tears came out of my eyes.  Then she shared this; "We met Jared at a community park today.  Jarred was sharing how an MFUGE group a couple years before had gathered around him and prayed.  He explained how he was going to die.  Then he went on to say that a couple weeks after they prayed, God healed him.  There is nothing wrong with Jared; he is very normal and very athletic."  "Jared is very much alive!"

Sadly, I don’t have a picture of Jared.  Prayer was more important than pictures that day.  The picture I am sharing is the mission track group I was with that year.

 

John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Beware Got a New Name!

Stepping down from the management position I had allowed me significantly more free time. The extra free time allowed me to become more active in serving with our church. Our oldest daughter Mackenzie was a teenager during this time and she loved the youth group and the things they did together. One of the more significant influences was the youth mission trip, MFUGE. MFUGE is a youth focused mission trip, through Lifeway ministries. MFUGE is best described as a youth church camp, mission trip and revival on steroids.

Carri and I have always been very active in our children's lives and their friend's lives. So MFUGE was a great opportunity for me to do something special with Kenzie in serving the Lord and building her faith with her friends. My first MFUGE mission trip that I helped chaperone was in Saint Louis Missouri.

This story is not about what happened with Kenzie, her friends and I. This story is about what I saw God do. He began to open my eyes to what happens when we truly submit to Him. When we surrender our all, He directs us in ways we could not imagine and He uses us in ways we can't believe.

My first opportunity through MFUGE was at a children and youth center. God brought to my attention a kid who called himself "Beware." Beware was a gang member, and he was about to be kicked out of the youth program. I was told by one of the adults at the center that Beware would not be coming back, that particular day was his last day. Beware had been enlisting other kids to join the local gang along with pushing drugs.

I asked the director if Beware could stay until the end of the week. At first, I was told "no." I went on to say, "God had put him on my heart, and I believed that God was going to use me to make a difference in his life. Could he please be given until the end of the week? If nothing changed, then by all means let him go." Shockingly, I was told "yes."

Boldly I began to build a relationship with Beware. I say boldly, I promise I was not comfortable at all. After a couple of days, I asked Beware if I could ask him some very serious questions. I also told him I wanted to share my life story with him as well. There was some divine intervention, Beware said "sure."

I asked Beware this question; "Are you satisfied with your life, or do you feel like something is missing?" Beware did not answer, but that was ok. No answer meant he was thinking about it. I went on to share my testimony with him. The same testimony that I have been sharing over the last few weeks. When I was finished, Beware had tears in his eyes. He mumbled, "I am not satisfied, my life is hopeless."

I shared the gospel with Beware and then asked him if he wanted to receive the gift of life through Jesus Christ. He said yes! It was right there in the middle of the youth center in front of all the other children and youth that we prayed together, Beware accepted Jesus Christ into his life as Lord and savior. When we were finished praying Beware said to me, "my name is Brandon, call me Brandon. I have a new life now"

Brandon returned the next day with a rap song that he wrote proclaiming his new faith and new life. He stood before the entire group and sang his new song. Everyone was cheering, even the programs director.

The following year we returned to Saint Louis and one of our youth met Brandon at the same youth center. Brandon was never told to leave. Instead, he became a leader in the same place he was nearly kicked out of a year before.

The picture is Brandon rapping his new song about his new name and his new life of HOPE in Jesus Christ!

Revelations 2:17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!