Unconditional Love and The Bet Was On.

My "There is a God" encounter with Carri resulted in  becoming best friends.  The awkward thing about our friendship; Carri  set me up on dates with her friends.  What I did not know at that time was Carri thought to herself  I was out of her league.  How crazy a thought was that?  Gorgeous blue-eyed captain of the flag corps blonde thinks a lowly, shy, under achieving brokenhearted wimp is out of her league.  Now that is humility, on her part.

I remeber  hoping that we would date someday, but if friendship was all I could have that was good enough for me.  After all, this girl was making something happen in my heart that I had never felt before.  I really liked it.  I am not talking about lustful thoughts or even infatuation.  It was genuine acceptance, concern and unconditional love.  My family made me feel that way, but you expect that.  I took that for granted.  This was just so different; this was a friend who did not have to be that way.

The opportunity I had been waiting for finally arrived.    All I wanted was the chance to have an actual date with just Carri and none of her friends. 

Carri was sitting in her dad's ford truck in front of my house after dropping me offone day.  I was leaning in the driver's window  just talking to her.  I was trying to find the confidence to ask the big question, "Will you go on a date with me?"  Then Carri out of total randomness says, "You know this truck has 24 inch rims."  I looked down and thought, "Yep she is right."  My response to her  was, "no they are not."  Immediately she responded, "Do you want to bet?" Challenge accepted.  I responded without hesitation, "Sure, if you are right I will buy you dinner and a movie, if I am right you can buy me dinner and a movie."  With the cutest smirk on her face she said, "Ok the bet is on."  Long story short Carri won, which I already knew she would.  I just wanted a date.  Carri then leaned out her window, kissed me on the lips and then immediately sped off. 

What I had found, but did not understand was unconditonal love.  This is the same kind of love found in Christ. The unconditional love found in Christ is even better because it is not skewed by inpure thoughts, jealousy, or even lustful desires. 

I Corinthians 13:1-3 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love. 

Bullying the Gateway to Self-Destruction

The desire to escape the emotional pain and to find acceptance became my gateway to self-destruction. I knew in my heart there had to be something I could do to numb the pain and make life better. I was right, so I thought.

Alcohol became my relief and it worked, for a little while. Take a drink and the pain just seemed to fade away; at least for a little while until the alcohol wore off. Before I knew it, I was even more depressed than before I had taken that first drink. As time went on, I found myself in a vicious cycle of chasing that first high, that first relief of pain. One sip became one gulp, one gulp became one drink, one drink became two and before I knew it 3, 4, 5... Beer became hard liquor. All alcohol does is give you temporary relief through drunkenness, and it leaves you with an even deeper depression. Alcohol is a depressant. The vicious cycle creates nothing less than an addiction with a downward spiral of depression. I was good at concealing my addiction. Moreover, I was even better at getting it. That opened a new door for me. A door to friends, so I thought.

Sure, I had friends that did not bully me. Those people were few and far in between. When it came to the mainstream peers, you know the popular kids; I simply just was not accepted. That is until I found a way. I did not like the messages that were spewing through my head and I wanted to find acceptance. Guess what, I did. There are always people out there who will accept you, especially when you are willing to compromise to meet their wants/needs. These are the type of kids who will quickly take you down a path you do not want to go on. Drugs, alcohol, sex, crime, pornography… you name it, there is a group willing to accept anyone. Hindsight, they were not friends. I was only accepted when I was able to provide and willing to compromise. Hey what did I know, I was just a teenager trying to fit in.

So what did I discover? It sucked even worse than before. Not only did I have all the past issues to deal with, now I was living a life of lies, addictions and deception. A life headed towards ultimate failure. My grades went to pot, and school attendance was sketchy. If waves were up, surfing was on. I was literally a nobody, being used by everybody. It was so bad, my teachers did not even pay attention to whether I was in class or not. I could skip and no one cared or even knew. I hated who and what I had become. My parents did not even know who I was. I am sure they thought, Billy is just some shy quiet kid who struggles through school and someday he will find himself and do well. Deep inside I was living with a monster and I wanted it to die.

There are people out there who do love and care about you. Turn to them and trust them to help you. I should have, but did not at this stage in my life. I thought the path I was on was right. Besides, I was doing what the popular kids were doing. That is what teenagers do; they live life and experiment to discover who they are. Wrong, I was killing myself from the inside out. My new acquaintances could care less as long as I would compromise and provide. Life to me had no meaning and no real purpose. Especially for someone who thought: "nobody likes you", "nobody wants you", "nobody cares", and" you will never amount to anything".

I often thought, if there is a God where is He? If I only had known what I know now. There is a God; He is in this world but not of this world. I was looking in all the wrong places.

Surfers off the West Coast of Maui

  

Proverbs 16:25

There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.

May my life be the evidence and proof of Christ's love.