That's Easy, Do What God Says To Do!

God definitely got our attention with Mackenzie's health issues.  It was kind of a reality faith check.  The best way to test your faith and the legitimacy of your dependence on God is through a storm in life.  

May 2009, An announcement was made at our church that our youth pastor was resigning his position.  My immediate thought was, "That is Bad."  We did not have a huge youth group, but we had a good group of great kids.  The last thing I wanted was for our kids to go without some kind of ministry.  The group of youth we had may have been small, but they were giants in the faith. The church certainly did not want to lose them.  

It is a sad fact, youth ministry is a very neglected ministry.  Youth ministers typically do not stay very long.  Burnout is high, and turnover is rapid.  So many youth pastors either quit because of the high stress and emotional demands or they want to pastor their own church.  I believe youth ministry is a special calling and should never be used as a stepping stone into pastoring a church.  Unless the LORD leads you down that path.  

My initial thought when the announcement was made was followed  with a heavy heartfelt conviction.  Not only did I think "that is bad." , I felt I had to do something.   Immediately I went to our pastor and asked "What do you want me to do?"  I was thinking, He would ask me to head up a search committee to find a new youth pastor.  That was far from what happened.  Brother Steve said, "Take over wednesday night youth."  My immediate response was"OK!"  Then reality hit me and I began to think "Wait, what just happened.? What did I just agree to? Did he seriously say take over wednesday night youth and I said yes? I had no idea how to lead a youth group.   I just knew that I was going to kill the program.  We  were about to lose all our teenagers.  

I promise,  I really had no idea what I was going to do.  I knew I had some pretty big shoes to fill.  The kids loved their youth pastor.  I knew there was no way I could even come close to what he had been doing.  I met up with a friend of mine who was a youth pastor at another church and asked him, "Hey Randy, what do I do with a youth group?"  his response, "Oh that is easy."  "Really Randy, its easy?"  "Yep, it is easy.  You do what God tells you to do."  I said, "Thanks Randy, thanks for your help." I was thinking, "Some help that was, a real friend could have offered much better advice."

Randy was exactly right, I needed to do what God wanted me to do.  If I tried to fill someone else's shoes, then I was doing what they did.  I would be serving God not man or youth for that part.   In order to serve God, I needed to do what God wanted me to do.  That should be easy right?  No, it was not that easy.  At that point I needed to figure out what that was.  It became time to commit totally to His will and that was going to take some serious commitment.  

At first, I was trying to mimic other youth groups.  We had fun, played games, and I shared a short superficial devotion.  Sure we had fun, me and all nine teenagers.  However in my heart, I knew that what we were doing was not in God's will.  At that point I began to search the heart and desire of God's will.  I was committed  to studying the bible  and uncovering God's will and design for the church.  I knew it could not be things we made up, there had to be some kind of structure.   I was certain the  church should not be a place of entertainment pleasing people's emotions and simply trying to make everyone feel good about themselves.  

In my next story, I plan to share what God revealed to me.   I took the picture a few years ago for a high school senior.

Isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Encouragment is LIke Adrenalin and Endorphins for Your Faith:

Trying to live the life of a Christian can be discouraging. I know it often feels like an uphill battle. In spite of this, we have comfort in knowing that our savior Jesus Christ has proclaimed that the battle is already won. He understands discouragement and he has called us to encourage one another daily. Sadly, most of us fail at encouraging others making our battle appear to be uphill.

I always knew the Christian life could, would and will be discouraging. Being a youth pastor can feel even more discouraging at most times. Satan likes to get in your head and attempt to convince you that you are failing the great commission and your efforts are futile. He wants you to feel all alone. The people you hope would encourage you do not say a word. If they do, it is usually some form of criticism.

I was talking to my grandpa the other day on his 93 birthday! He went on to tell me how proud he was of me. I told him "Grandpa, I miss you and wish I had time to come see you." He said, "You keep doing what you are doing and if you make a difference in one person's life it is all worth it, besides our day will come when we will have plenty of time to see each other." He went on to tell me how proud he was of me with the work I have been doing for the LORD. Just like clockwork he always finishes by saying, "Who knows, you may become the next Billy Graham." That is encouragement my friends.

I am going to be honest, I need encouragement in my walk of faith and I need it in the ministry that God has called me. Encouragement is like the adrenalin I need to keep running and fighting when I feel tired and worn. It is like the endorphin that takes away the pain of discouragement. Encouragement spurs people on like nothing else. I am sure you have heard the saying "a pill a day keeps the doctor away." A little dose of encouragement a day keeps satan at bay.

Yesterday, I was in that place of discouragement. Repeatedly I just kept saying to satan, "get behind me, shut up, you do not have in mind the things of God." He would throw back at me "If you had in mind the things of God people would notice and say so." I just kept assuring him that I did have in mind the things of God and I was not backing down. After that, throughout the day I began to get encouraged. Randomly I started getting messages on facebook, twitter and google+ about how much my life has encouraged people. People I do not even know personally.

Those little words of encouragement built a raging fire within me. I know that if a fire is not kept stoked and even little bits of kindling are not added, then it will die down. Spiritually it is the same thing. We need to be stoked and kindled and one easy way is encouragement. May I challenge you to be an encourager? Encourage your brothers and sisters in Christ at home and abroad. Do not ever forget the ones god has blessed you with as pastors and leaders. Being a shepherd is a tough calling and probably the most discouraging of all.

Encouragement can and will build unquenchable fires. Be an encourager for Christ! And let us spur one another on. In doing so we will put satan behind us so that we can keep in focus and in mind the things of God.

 

 

the picture is of my son, my grandpa, and me!

Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Test of Faith and Dependence

February 5, 2008 our faith in trusting The Lord was put to the test. I was at home with a 103 F^o fever feeling horribly sick. The weather that day was warmer than normal for our area of the country.  It was actually pretty nice out all day that is until that night.  I remember the high winds and dark clouds rolling in.  I stepped outside the house and saw what looked like a wall cloud to me.  Then all of the sudden, my work pager went off; "We need immediate help, an imminent tornado has been spotted and headed towards Gassville." I ran to the kitchen, swallowed four ibuprophen and rushed out the door.


I was driving my suburban into the town of Gassville, when all of the sudden debris was flying all around me.  First it was shingles, then pieces of roof, then power lines, then pieces of house walls, and then a couch and other miscellaneous furniture. I had driven right into the path of the tornado.


The test did not come that night in the midst of the tornado; it came a few days later.  Our oldest daughter Kenzie was helping clean up the tornado damage when she accidently stepped on a nail.  At first it didn’t seem like a big deal.  That night I got a prescription for an antibiotic from one of our ER doctors that was on duty. The following day we took her to get a tetanus shot.  To our surprise, her doctor admitted her to the hospital for intravenous antibiotics.


What happened next was very complicated.  So I am going to make it as short as I can.  Kenzie did not get better.  Whatever was going on from the infection caused by the nail in her foot traveled throughout her body.  It started in her right foot, then up her leg, right side, right arm, into her head, down the left arm, left side, left leg and finally her right foot.  She was developing excruciating pain throughout her body, experiencing uncontrolled muscle contractions, loss of motor function and bizarre rashes. Tetanus is what we thought. However after several doctor visits, tests, exams, and studies at numerous hospitals no one could figure out definitively what was wrong.


Since no tests or studies revealed anything abnormal, we were turned away repeatedly by various doctors.  Most had decided that our daughter who was a 4.0+ grade point average high school student was a behavioral problem.  We were even told that she was attention seeking and drug seeking.  As her parents we knew better and her bizarre symptoms just simply were impossible to self induce.  For example, one night she said her legs felt strange.  I pulled the covers off to look and one leg was blue and hot to touch, the other was red and cold to touch.  Those symptoms lasted about 20-30 minutes and resolved on their own.  Frequently, portions of her veins would turn bright red like someone had taken a red marker and traced them.  Like her legs, the vein symptoms would last several minutes and then dissipate by themselves as well. There were numerous other bizarre symptoms, but like I said it was very complicated. 


We eventually ended up in Saint Louis Missouri at the Children’s Hospital.  Finally someone was willing to listen.  A neuro specialist told us, "I have no idea what is going on.  I believe it is a compilation of a few things, but nothing specific that I can identify and treat specifically."  He decided to continue the treatment she was currently on.  He was completely opposed to stopping her medications completely like the previous doctor had suggested we do.  The plan was to continue treatment as prescribed and hope that she would take a turn for the better or something obvious and more definitive might emerge.


Kenzie's condition had continued to worsen significantly.  She missed pretty much the remainder of her school year.  We did not know if she was going to become permanently disabled or even die. Being that Carri and I are both medical professionals, we knew something was horribly wrong.  Sadly for the most part every doctor and specialist we had seen blamed her condition on psychological issues, except for the one specialist in Saint Louis.  By the way, Kenzie graduated high school as the salutatorian of her class and now is a pre-med major in college.


There were so many days and nights that Kenzie would just cry. All she wanted was for someone to believe her and figure out what was wrong.  The best we got was in Saint Louis.  Even there we had no answers.  Kenzie wanted her life back.  Carri and I wanted our daughter back.  It was so hard not having answers and not being able to help our own child.  All we could do was pray and trust the LORD.


I remember telling my daughter on numerous occasions; "God does not need a diagnosis, or even a doctor.  He knows what is wrong and He can choose to heal you if He wants to. We just have to trust that He will be glorified through all of it, and He will use this someday."


After several months, Kenzie was completely healed.  We never did find out what was causing all her pain, disabilities and bizarre symptoms. We do know this; God did not use one doctor to restore her health.  He taught Kenzie some very valuable lessons about depending on Him.  I learned that Kenzie really was His, I was not in control.

 

This was a pretty good test for us.  We could have turned away from God for allowing our child to suffer.  Instead we trusted in Him growing stronger in our faith and developing an even deeper dependence on Him because of it.  Also, I can’t help but realize how much sin is like this bizarre illness.  Sin ravages our body and takes control of our lives.  The bible even says we are dying in our sin.  Nothing in this world can help us and nothing of this world can save us.  The only hope we have is Jesus Christ. 

The picture is of a house damaged by the tornado in Gassville, Arkansas

2 Corinthians 1:9-10  Indeed we felt as if the sentence of death had been passed against us, so that we would not trust in ourselves  but in God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from so great a risk of death, and he will deliver us. We have set our hope on him that he will deliver us yet again, 

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Huntington’s Chorea Disease, True Hope in the Midst of Hopelessness

This story is a little bit long; PLEASE do not let that stop you from reading it.  I promise it is POWERFUL!

Even though our faith had become lukewarm and complacent, life was still going good for us by the world's standards.  In spite of our good life, we were still only going through the religious motions.  I really did not have a healthy dependence on God. There really was not a need for dependence since things were going pretty good, so I thought.  In my mind, I pretty much had things under control by my own power and will. 

I honestly believe that this is the problem with most Christians; life seems good so we forget that we really need God.  Truth is we do not have control as much as we think we do.  Every moment we are one second, one heartbeat, and one breath closer to death.  The strongest Christians I know are the ones who have had their days numbered.  The days are numbered by cancer or some other incurable disease.  It seems when the end of life has become imminent and foreseeable, a sense of urgency arises.  It is then that we have hit rock bottom and realize; we do not have control.  The only hope we have left is God and His mercy.  Family and friends cannot help us, doctors and medicine cannot heal us, and we cannot save ourselves. 

Our family has been given a “hopeless diagnosis.”  My wife Carri and I had been going to the Huntington’s Disease Society of America, (HDSA) Center for Excellence in Saint Louis Missouri at Barnes Jewish Hospital.  For three months, we had been traveling to Saint Louis for a series of hospital visits.   Our first visit, we both had to undergo psychological evaluation.  Our second visit we were psychologically evaluated again and blood tests were drawn. It was during our final visit that we were once again psychologically evaluated to determine if we were mentally and emotionally stable enough to receive the results of the blood test.   The doctor and the social worker both agreed that Carri and I were mentally, emotionally and psychologically stable enough to receive the results of Carri’s blood test.

December 19, 2005 we received our “hopeless diagnosis.” Carri tested positive for the genetic disease Huntington's Chorea.  We sat together hand in hand with tears flowing from our eyes as we heard the doctor say, "I am so sorry, Carri is positive for Huntington's disease."  I could not help but notice that both the doctor and our social worker had tears in their eyes as well. 

For Huntington's Chorea, there is no cure, no medicine, and no treatment.  Within this genetic disease itself, there is no hope.  If you have the gene, you will have the disease.  Each of your children stands a 50% risk of carrying the gene as well.  We have four children.  If they have the gene, they will have the disease also.  Statistically two of our four children have Huntington’s disease and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

You may be asking “What makes Huntington's disease (HD) hopeless?”  It is not just the fact that there is no treatment or cure, it is what the disease does that makes it so bad.  The symptoms of Huntington's are similar to Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and psychosis combined.  HD destroys the brains pleasure centers and its positive capabilities such as self-control, happiness, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and such.  The victim is left with anger, rage, depression, hate, frustration, and loss of cognitive abilities, loss of self-control, and all the other negative things you can imagine.  Those ravaged by this disease also lose their ability to physically control their own bodies.  The length of time that it takes from the onset to death can take several years.  That is if suicide or murder does not come first.   Huntington’s disease victims have the highest rates of murder and suicide.  This does not just solely occur with the carriers of the gene, it occurs amongst loved ones as well.  The physical, emotional, and psychological impact is devastating.

As if that is not enough, HD destroys families, marriages, friendships, and jobs.  It ruins anything and everything.  As I said, the victim's brain is robed of everything positive and left with only the negative.  Relationships become hostile and typically fall apart.  Families turn on one another, marriages fail, friends leave, and employers fire.  Most caregivers cannot stand to work with Huntington's patients because of the physical and verbal violence associated with it.  I could go on and on about how bad it is and the numbers of lives that have been destroyed because of it.  I will not.  I hope that what I have said helps you understand how hopeless and grueling of a disease it is.

The first part of our four and a half hour ride home from Saint Louis was in complete silence.  Tears just flowed from both of our eyes.  We both had the thoughts going through our heads about how bleak and hopeless our future had become.  The “good life” did not matter anymore.  I remember thinking “How are we going to deal with and endure what was before us.”  Seriously, we were just given news that was worse than a death sentence.  It was like someone saying "I have bad news and no good news, your lives are about to be destroyed and your suffering is going to last for years.  It is going to affect your marriage, your children, your friends, your job, your neighbors, your finances, and well pretty much everything.  And by the way, there is no hope and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it, welcome to hell."

The silence finally broke after a couple hours.  Carri and I both agreed God was in control.  We knew we had two choices.  The first choice was to surrender to Huntington's disease letting our lives be destroyed and the other was to surrender it all to God.  I do not remember my exact words, but I know I have said this before, "Huntington's does not have to be a monster, and our God is bigger than this.  If God has allowed it, then He will be glorified through it if we are willing to surrender to Him." 

We could no longer live a lukewarm faith just simply going through the motions of religion being complacent with where we were in our relationship and dependence on God.  It was not going to work, not for this.  We prayed and that day we both made a covenant with God.  Our covenant was this, we surrender our all so that you can be glorified through us, let our lives be the proof and evidence of your love.  Use us to reach others so that they may come to know you as well.  We know that true hopelessness only exists apart from you. 

You see by the world's and by medical standards, our lives are without hope.  There is absolutely nothing anyone, any medicine, or any treatment can do.  Nothing can make any of it better or tolerable.  But by the grace of God, He can.  As I write this story, it has been nearly seven years since Carri was diagnosed with this dreaded disease.  In those years, God has taken us to places we never would have imagined.  I can honestly say that we are blessed because of Huntington’s Chorea disease.  Sure we have our hard times and challenges, but God has magnified Himself in and through us in ways I had never thought possible.  Spiritually, we both have been on fire since that day.  God has given us a passion and a hope that just refuses to burn out.  God has taken our hopeless curse and turned it into a blessing.  He is showing the world who He really is because of it.  In the days to come I will be sharing more about what God has done since that time. 

Please allow God to use us to encourage you, not matter what you are facing.  His HOPE is real and true.  Feel free to message me or even send an email.  Our desire is that we can share with others what God has done for us so that they will find the same living hope we have. 

the picture is Carri sharing her testimony about Huntington's disease in Nicaragua, 2011.

John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

May My Life Be the Proof and Evidence of Christ’s Love!

Luke Warm Complacent Christianity and Hitting Hopeless Rock Bottom

The stories I have shared so far about what I have seen and experience God do is just a small sample. You probably think that I would have had a unstoppable fire for the Lord just through the few things I have shared. The reality is no. Sure I had spiritual highs when I thought I could conquer Hell with a water pistol, but those highs were short lived. The things I had been doing had become routine. Even in the routine of going through the motions there were still times when I was burning hot spiritually. Those times were associated with the emotionally exciting events centered around MFUGE and Church camp experiences.

My spiritual life as a whole had really become luke warm and complacent. I had become comfortable in what I was doing. In my mind, I was doing more than most people. So with that said, I was better off. I was paying my dues by volunteering in Sunday school, vacation bible school, church camp, and MFUGE. I went to church most Sunday mornings. I even graced the church with my presence on Wednesday and Sunday nights, when it was convenient for me.

So how did I become so luke warm and complacent? I think it was because I had become comfortable. For the most part, everything was going well. We had no real significant needs and we were managing things comfortably on our own. My wife was happy, I was happy, the kids were healthy, work was good, Carri had a job, we were able to keep our home, and everyone was getting along. We had no real sense of urgency or great need. I was viewing life through rose colored glasses. I was justifying my spiritual success by comparing it to others who seemed less committed. So as long as I was doing more then God must be more pleased.

As far as my faith I was neither hot or cold, I was just like I said, I was luke warm and complacent. I was not doing anything to grow spiritually or mature in the faith. Neither was I really doing anything to reach others for Christ, including my own children. What better place spiritually can satan get someone? When we are complacent we are quiet, unnoticed, and idle. Being luke warm and complacent achieves nothing for the cause of Christ.

looking back, I am certain Jesus wanted to spit me out. He must have been frustrated and disappointed at my state of spiritual being. He had taken me to amazing places, showed me incredible things, and used me to achieve His glory. With all that said, how did I show my appreciation? I did not, I became idle and lazy instead. I was partially committed to attending church and slightly better than average at serving. However my faith had become mostly private. I was justified in my own eyes by simply going through the motions. Going through the motions meant I had no real dependence on Christ. My faith had become nothing more than partially committed ritualistic religious practices, highlighted by occasional acts of service.

What I needed was for God to put me in a place where I had no other choice but to depend on Him. So why does it take hitting rock bottom where neither you or anyone else can help before someone will totally trust in Christ? It is when you hit rock bottom and become completely helpless that you either turn to or turn away from the one who can rescue you. It becomes a choice of living or dying. It is so easy for a christian to become spiritualy dead. Spiritually dead is that luke warm place we often find ourselves. To be spiritually alive, we must have the same mind, heart and soul as Paul describes in Phillipians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

What I did not know at this point in my life is that God was about to get my attention. My wife and I were about to hit rock bottom with only two choices, one turn from Christ and die spiritually or completely depend on Christ and live. I am so glad He did not spit me out. Never do I want to become useless to my Lord. In my next story I will share how God brought our family to rock bottom in order to get our attention. We were literally taken to a place where there was NO HOPE, except through Him.

The picture is of a guy sleeping on a statue in front of Union Station, Washington DC.


Revelations 3:16 So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ love!

Jared is Going to Die

The same year that Beware got a new name, God had also put another young man on my heart.  This story is pretty cool.   This kid did not get a new name, but he did a new life.  By the way, this story is a little longer than most, but I promise it is well worth your time to read it.  God did something incredibly amazing!  You will be glad you read it, I promise.

At MFUGE, there are several track groups divided into various ministry focuses.  There are tracks for children's ministry, games and recreation, social, PCY (painting, construction, yard work), and creative.  I was in a group involving children's ministry.  We would go to various sites like youth centers, children's homes, and even community parks.  We spent three days at the youth center where Beware/Brandon was a member.  We spent another two days in East Saint Louis at a community park. 

Our mission at the community park was to promote an outreach for a local church.  We went around the community inviting neighbors to come to the park and enjoy a family fair that we were hosting.  There were games, face painting, skits, crafts, prayer groups, music, tournaments, all kinds of fun and entertainment.  All of this was with the intention to gather community residents together in order to promote their local church. 

I and two other teenagers went out door-to-door inviting people to join us at the park.  We were given a very specific area that would could go and solicit.  Anything outside that area was gang infested; we were not permitted by any circumstance to go into those areas.  Bright colored shirts were not allowed because of the relation to gang colors.  There were a couple problems.  First, I never got the message about NOT wearing bright colors.  I had on a bright red t-shirt.  Second, there was nobody home in the area we were in. 

The teenagers I was with felt very discouraged since we had not been able to invite one person.  So we prayed, we prayed for God to guide us to the houses and to lead us to open doors.  Guess what, God did.

While walking down a particular street we noticed a group of teenagers shooting bottle rockets at apartment across the street breaking windows.  At first, we wanted to turn around because we realized we had entered into "gang territory."  But God said go, I was not the only one who felt that way.  Both of the teenagers I was with felt very strongly the same thing.   Honestly, none of us felt threatened in the least bit.

When we approached the group, it was interesting, we were not threatened but there were some crude remarks made.  I noticed one of the boys appeared to be handicap.  I invited him and the rest of the group to the park to come hang out. My challenge to them was to simply come and just check out what we were doing and what it was all about.  If they did not like it, they could leave.  No promise on their behalf was made.  I expected that would be the last we saw of any of them.

We went home that day disappointed, the gang of boys never showed up.  A few kids did, but not enough to outnumber the MFUGE group of about 25 youth.  We may have had 10-12  neighborhood kids come that day.  That night I prayed, I asked God to bless the efforts of the teenagers and the passionate desire of their hearts to reach kids who live in a very difficult environment.  I asked God to allow them the opportunity to share the hope they had with the kids that felt like there was no hope.

Day two in East Saint Louis rocked our world.  A couple other mission groups joined us in the park.   Kids literally were coming from everywhere, countless numbers of kids and their parents.  It was amazing.  But still there was no sign of the "gang."

Around lunchtime I noticed the handicap boy coming with his parent's and a few other kids.  Some of the teenagers were from that gang we had talked to the day before. When I saw them coming, I knew something divine was about to happen I could just feel it. 

The handicap boy's name was jarred.  I met Jared’s dad as soon as they arrived at the park.  He and I began to talk about church and God.  He told me this, "Jared has been praying for a sign, a sign from God that he will be ok.  He has prayed for months that God would bring someone into his life that could help him."  He went on to say, "Jarred made all of us come today because he felt like God said we all needed to be here, so we came."  I said, "I am so glad you are all here, we just want to encourage you, pray for you, and show you who God is."

Jared's dad then shared something very heart breaking.  He told me that Jarred use to be a very healthy very athletic kid.  He talked about how Jarred had been the spiritual leader in their home and he always kept his family in church.  That is until he got sick.  Jarred had some kind of unidentifiable disease that was ravaging his body.  His arm was drawn up into his chest, he walked with a stiff leg, and his speech was so slurred you could hardly understand what he was saying.  The doctors had no idea what was happening.  What they did know is that Jarred was going to die.  His airway was swelling gradually to the point that it was going to suffocate him to death.  They had seen every specialist in Saint Louis and repeatedly Jared was given no hope to live.

I asked Jared’s dad if we could pray for Jared.  His dad smiled and said, "Please do, please pray for Jarred.  Prayer is so important to him.  His faith is so strong, but his health has pulled him away from church and our family is falling apart.  Please pray."

I gathered up a few of the kids that I felt were strong in their faith.  As a group we gathered around Jared and with his permission prayed.  It was the most spiritually intense prayer experience I had ever felt up until that time.  Tears were flowing out of every eye.  We left that day feeling so broken and yet so touched.   We all felt blessed to have been allowed to be a part of Jared's life that day.  It was so hard for us to go.  None of us wanted to leave Jarred behind.  

Two years later, we returned to Saint Louis for MFUGE.  I never forgot about Jared or Brandon.  I was hoping I might be able to return and find out what happened.  Unfortunately I did not get to go back to Brandon's youth center nor did I get to go back to Jared's neighborhood.

It was during our night church group meeting that I got the answer to what I was hoping for.  I was encouraging our kids to just listen to their hearts and do whatever God was leading them to do.  I then shared Jared’s story.  I shared how God led us to his house, and how we were able to gather around him and pray.  I told them that we will not always know what God will do after we are gone, but we just needed to trust him.  I then told them how powerful our prayer experience was.  This is awesome; one of our girls raised her hand and said, "I know what happened to Jared."  My mouth hit the floor and tears came out of my eyes.  Then she shared this; "We met Jared at a community park today.  Jarred was sharing how an MFUGE group a couple years before had gathered around him and prayed.  He explained how he was going to die.  Then he went on to say that a couple weeks after they prayed, God healed him.  There is nothing wrong with Jared; he is very normal and very athletic."  "Jared is very much alive!"

Sadly, I don’t have a picture of Jared.  Prayer was more important than pictures that day.  The picture I am sharing is the mission track group I was with that year.

 

John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Beware Got a New Name!

Stepping down from the management position I had allowed me significantly more free time. The extra free time allowed me to become more active in serving with our church. Our oldest daughter Mackenzie was a teenager during this time and she loved the youth group and the things they did together. One of the more significant influences was the youth mission trip, MFUGE. MFUGE is a youth focused mission trip, through Lifeway ministries. MFUGE is best described as a youth church camp, mission trip and revival on steroids.

Carri and I have always been very active in our children's lives and their friend's lives. So MFUGE was a great opportunity for me to do something special with Kenzie in serving the Lord and building her faith with her friends. My first MFUGE mission trip that I helped chaperone was in Saint Louis Missouri.

This story is not about what happened with Kenzie, her friends and I. This story is about what I saw God do. He began to open my eyes to what happens when we truly submit to Him. When we surrender our all, He directs us in ways we could not imagine and He uses us in ways we can't believe.

My first opportunity through MFUGE was at a children and youth center. God brought to my attention a kid who called himself "Beware." Beware was a gang member, and he was about to be kicked out of the youth program. I was told by one of the adults at the center that Beware would not be coming back, that particular day was his last day. Beware had been enlisting other kids to join the local gang along with pushing drugs.

I asked the director if Beware could stay until the end of the week. At first, I was told "no." I went on to say, "God had put him on my heart, and I believed that God was going to use me to make a difference in his life. Could he please be given until the end of the week? If nothing changed, then by all means let him go." Shockingly, I was told "yes."

Boldly I began to build a relationship with Beware. I say boldly, I promise I was not comfortable at all. After a couple of days, I asked Beware if I could ask him some very serious questions. I also told him I wanted to share my life story with him as well. There was some divine intervention, Beware said "sure."

I asked Beware this question; "Are you satisfied with your life, or do you feel like something is missing?" Beware did not answer, but that was ok. No answer meant he was thinking about it. I went on to share my testimony with him. The same testimony that I have been sharing over the last few weeks. When I was finished, Beware had tears in his eyes. He mumbled, "I am not satisfied, my life is hopeless."

I shared the gospel with Beware and then asked him if he wanted to receive the gift of life through Jesus Christ. He said yes! It was right there in the middle of the youth center in front of all the other children and youth that we prayed together, Beware accepted Jesus Christ into his life as Lord and savior. When we were finished praying Beware said to me, "my name is Brandon, call me Brandon. I have a new life now"

Brandon returned the next day with a rap song that he wrote proclaiming his new faith and new life. He stood before the entire group and sang his new song. Everyone was cheering, even the programs director.

The following year we returned to Saint Louis and one of our youth met Brandon at the same youth center. Brandon was never told to leave. Instead, he became a leader in the same place he was nearly kicked out of a year before.

The picture is Brandon rapping his new song about his new name and his new life of HOPE in Jesus Christ!

Revelations 2:17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Shutting God Down, How Dare You

Years ago a good friend from college contacted me. He was on the board of directors for the local Christian radio station, KCMH radio. My name had apparently come up in a meeting as a candidate for becoming a board member. I was somewhat shocked; I never thought I would be considered for such an admirable position. I went to the next board meeting where I was officially nominated, and then unanimously elected to serve on the board.

My obligations were necessary but minimal to the radio station. The Board would meet once per month and go over budgets, projections, scheduling, programming, and other general business issues. It was a great opportunity and an honor to serve our local community in ensuring that our Christian radio station was meeting the needs of the community and that they were maintaining good stewardship of what God had given them. To this very day, KCMH is a top-notch local Christian radio station.

In November of every year, KCMH hosts an annual dinner. All the board members are invited along with all the sponsors. The first dinner I attended my wife and I sat by some friends of ours Larry and Pat. After dinner, Pat asked me "Bill, have you ever thought about going into children's or youth ministry?" Without hesitation I replied, "No not really, I don't see God using me that way."

After my quick response of "no", Carri gave me the look. You know the look your wife can give you that immediately sends the message, "you are in trouble, I am not happy with you." The one that sends chills of fear and trembling down your spine because you have no idea what you did wrong, but it must have been bad. The "you are goanna sleep in the doghouse look ", that is the look I got.

In the car on the way home from the annual meeting, Carri did not say a word for several minutes. Then I just had to ask, "What did I do, I didn't do anything wrong." "Oh really, nothing wrong, is that what you think?" "Yea, that is what I know, not think." Then Carri said, "Let me tell you what I know. You shut God down, why would you shut God down?" I asked, "How did I shut God down?" Then Carri said this, "by immediately saying no to God using you in ministry. Maybe God wants to use you in ministry. You could have said, If God calls me then yes, I would. But you did not and instead you just simply shut it down and said no." In a half mad and half-encouraging voice Carri then said, "Bill, you have a voice. You have a story that God wants to use and people need to hear it. If God calls you to ministry, you better do it."

This was not the first time I had shut God down. A couple years earlier, I did it at church camp. I was the group leader for our church. I had been leading our kids with bible study, and church group times throughout the week. One of our older saints, Mrs. Ramona was helping us that week. Mrs. Ramona said this to me one day, "Bill, you are really good with these kids, have you ever thought about going into children's or youth ministry?" I am sure my answer was the same as it was at the dinner, "No, I don’t see God using me that way." Whatever I said, I know it was a "no."

Why did I always shut down the idea of God using me in ministry? Because I believed, I was not good enough. In my mind, if God was going to use you it is because you were qualified and good enough. Boy was I wrong.


The picture is me ministering to some kids in St. Louis Missouri during an MFUGE mission trip with a group of our Youth


I Corinthians I:27-29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

I Told a Lie and God Changed My Life

After resigning the management position life seemed to have more free time. Because of the free time, Carri and I became more active serving in our church. We got more involved with Sunday school, bible studies, vacation bible schools, and church camps. Honestly, Carri was really the leader for these things; I just kind of tagged along.

Because of my history, I was still very timid and shy. In fact, it was not until recent years that I even felt comfortable speaking in a Sunday school class. Just the thought of standing in front of a group made me sick. I would get palpitations in my chest, my voice would quiver, and I would feel like throwing up. It scared me to death; even teenagers intimidated me at 30+ years of age. Relating to children, that was no problem. I could call their bluff and socially I was right there with them.

God really began to deal with my fears during a Children's church camp. Carri and I had taken a group of kids to the Arkansas Baptist Assembly church camp in Siloam Springs. It was a little white lie I told that God used to convict my heart. The camp pastor was Mike Seabaugh, "Big O" he was the one I lied to.

Here is what happened. I was walking across the campus to my cabin when I ran into Mike in front of the worship center. Looking back I believe it was a divine appointment. As I was walking with my face towards the ground, I heard a familiar voice call out "Hey, can you help me with something?" I use to always walk with my face to the ground, that way I rarely had to interact with people. Well that time I did not have much of a choice, the only person around besides Big O, was me. I looked up and said, "Sure what do you need." What I was expecting to hear is not what I heard. I expected something like this, "can you help me move this or that, or some type of labor involved assistance." What I heard was, "I need help with the skit tonight."

Immediately I felt faint, palpitations began to pound in my chest, and I wanted to vomit. I am certain that I responded with a quivering voice, "um…I am the only male chaperon …and um……I don't think I can leave my kids to be in a skit……..sorry, I would help but I just can't." That year we had no boys with us, only girls. Trust me; Carri did not need my help. I lied, flat out lied.

I left Mike standing there still looking for help and went on to the cabin. At the cabin, conviction fell upon me in a way I had never felt before. I was at a Christian camp and I just lied to the camp pastor. God and I went back and forth with our words. God was saying, "How dare you lie." I was saying, "I just can’t do it God, you know I can't do it." He would respond back, "Go back and tell him you will help." After going back and forth arguing for what seemed like hours, God won. Fearfully and begrudgingly I went back to find Mike.

I went into the sanctuary where I had left Mike earlier. I was hoping and praying that he had found someone else to help. Worse-case scenario, I was sure I would just be a background person. When I entered the sanctuary, I found Mike and a small group of guys practicing the skit for that night. Mike saw me and shouted out, "Hey your back! So can you help now?" "Yes, I can help." "Great!" Mike then proceeded towards me with a paper in hand. "Here are your lines, memorize them quickly."

That night, I was in the skit dressed as a Roman soldier. I was in a very uncomfortable and fearful place for me. This is what I did, I prayed; "God you got me into this so you better not embarrass me. I really need you by my side to help me get through this."

That night, I did it and I loved it. I had never ever I repeat ever done anything like that before. God gave me the strength and courage to face my fears of standing and speaking in front of a group. I acted out the role of a roman soldier before a crowd of at least 1,000 - 1,200 children and adults. My strength only could have come from the Lord.

Psalms 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

From that point on, I had a secret in my heart. I wanted to do more. Sadly I allowed my fear to hold me back for several years. Deep inside I really did want to do more. Each year after, I have volunteered to be part of Mike's skits. They are elaborate, animated and very vocal. God used Mike Seabaugh "Big O" to begin my journey into ministry.

The picture is me "Zebra Man" and my good friend Tom "Panda Man" Dressed up as super heroes during Camp Siloam 2012!

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Brokeness is Where Healing Begins

My friend who I was talking about in my post titled “Good v. Evil” became completely broken and depressed after accepting Christ into her life.  It is amazing how your perspective changes when your eyes, ears, and heart are focused on and through the Lord.  It is when the Holy Spirit from within us begins to reveal the truth about us that we become broken and even depressed.  It is not that God is trying to shame us; He is merely breaking us in order to sanctify us. 

It was after accepting Christ as her Lord and Savior that my friend began to see her life for what it really was and had been.  God began to expose the hurt and pain she suffered from abuse.  He also began to convict her of the sins she currently had.  Some of the brokenness produced anger. Why did God allow these things to happen?  Some of the brokenness produced shame.  What have I done, and why am I doing these things?  When we are truly convicted by the Holy Spirit, we all think and feel the same way. 

God has a way of showing us our reflection in the mirror of Christ through His eyes.  What we see is our hurts, pains, emotional wounds, physical wounds, ugliness, brokenness, shamefulness, regrets, filthiness, and maybe even disgust.  We begin to see our life for what it really is.  Most of us hate what we see.  What we see is His truth.  We become convicted and feel His call to repentance.  We develop a desire for His mercy and grace that can only be found in redemption.  We see what Christ has done for us and feel ashamed.  The shame we feel can drive us into depression.  It can hurt enough that all we want to do is die and enter into a life with Him.  We want to die so we won’t hurt and wont mess up anymore.

I came into work one morning, and immediately I knew something was not right.  I did not know what it was, but I had this sickening feeling inside of me that I could not get over.  My partner that day was someone different.  I went to our dispatch and asked, "where is my normal partner?”  The response "she called in sick last night."  It was not an audible voice that I heard next, but it was very loud and clear.  "Go to her house and get her."  That message could not have been any clearer than someone standing before me and saying it out loud.

I had no idea where she lived other than the name of the town, a very small wide-spread rural town.  I went to my boss and explained that something was wrong and I needed to leave and go to her house.  He said "I have no idea where she lives; the only address on file is a PO Box."  He asked, "Why are you so sure you need to go?"  I said, "Because God said so."  He looked slightly puzzled, I'm sure he had never heard that before.  I then said, "If you won’t let me go, I will quit my job! It is that serious."  He then gave me permission to take my new partner and the ambulance to find her.

No one had any idea of where we would find her house, other than the name of the town.  My partner asked "How do you think we will find her?"  I said "Prayer."  I prayed and we set out on our journey.  Amazingly, God led us directly to her home.  We were driving down a backwoods dirt road when I caught a glimpse of her truck, so immediately we turned into the driveway.

I knocked on the door, no answer. I rang the bell relentlessly, no answer.  I checked all the doors, every door was locked.  We noticed a barn, so my partner went to the barn but found no one.  Just as I was about to kick the front door in, it slowly opened on its own.  I pushed the door the rest of the way open and there swaying in the hallway was my friend.  Her skin was pale, speech slurred, pupils dilated, and she was about to fall over.  Just as I got to her she began to fall so I caught her and set her down.  She had overdosed on medication.  She could not stand to live the life she had been living and she could not accept the hurts she had been through.  All she wanted was to leave this world and rest in the arms of God.

Brokenness, this is where healing begins.  In our brokenness, God can remove the parts of our lives that He does not desire.  These are the things we must repent from.  The sin we must rid our lives of.  When we are broken, God can take our wounds upon himself and heal them.  Only when we are shattered can God take the pieces He desires and put us back together again.  Brokenness is being wholly and completely surrendered to the Lord and resting in His arms.  Jesus says “Unless you repent, you too will perish.”  This kind of repentance means you die to yourself and begin to live in Christ. 

Yes it hurts when we finally see ourselves for who we are, it should hurt.  If we don’t realize how messed up and hurt we are, then how can we ever get better?  You don’t need a doctor until you realize you are sick, therefore you don’t know you need Jesus until you realize you are messed up and lost without Him.  God’s desire is not to shame us and tear us down. He desires to free us from our sin and shame so He can lift us up in Jesus’ name.

 

The picture is of an old rusted car in Montana.  Some will see it as junk, others will see it as a treasure to be restored.  So many antique cars have been bought as junk, restored only to become priceless in someone else's eyes.  I can't help but believe God sees us this way.

 

 

 

1 Peter 5:6-8

 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

 

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ’s love!

Good v. Evil, the Spiritual Battle

I willingly stepped down from my management position and accepted a staff medic job. My new position was a a 12 hour shift working 3 days one week 4 days the next. Not too bad, it gave me more days off to enjoy family. My partner, was a young very attractive brunette. She was energetic, and a little on the wild side. Most guys were attracted to her and found her very fun to be around.

Good v. Evil, that was the bet going on. Most people put their wages on evil. I was well known for my christian faith that being the good and my partner was better known for being wild that being the evil. I'm pretty sure there was a few co-workers who hoped that I would stumble and fall. Their prayer was that I would give in to temptation and have an affair. Ultimately ruining my credibility as a christian and my name.

Here is what the gamblers didn't know, God blessed me with a wife. My wife is my prize and I am perfectly happy at home. As far as having a lustful eye, God blessed me with lustful blindness. I see far beyond the superficial outward beauty, I see the heart. When it came to my new partner, sure she was beautiful young lady, but she was very broken and hurt on the inside.

Just saying for those ladies who are blessed with outward beauty, it is also a curse. A curse because many men can't get past the outside and view you as a challenge. They will do and say anything they can to capture you and use your body. I call them predators. If a man can not appreciate your beauty on the inside first, then he is not worthy of a relationship with you. Your body is a gift from God, and God wants to give that gift to the man He has chosen for you. Protect it.

Within no time at all, my new partner became a good family friend. My wife loved her and so did my children. As our friendship grew, I began to learn how right I was about her hurt and broken she was feeling inside. She began to share about the abuse she faced throughout her life. Physical, sexual, verbal, all kinds of abuse. Her number one perpetrator was her father.

Our family began to minister to her. I would listen at work, I would give advice, most of all I encouraged Christ. She began coming to church with us and over time she began to see who God was. It was during a revival service with Ron Herrod when she gave her life to Christ. That is when healing began. The healing process was painful for her, but God was now on the inside where He could work best in this hurt broken life.

As far as good v. evil, God won! In my next post I will share more about the pain and how God acted in a divine way. You will not want to miss the next post. There was definitely a battle going on and it was spiritual for sure.

The picture is not my partner, this pretty girl is Allison. She is absolutely one of the most beautiful people I know. She is my Hero in the Faith. I am so blessed to know her. If you ever want to experience God, you should meet her.

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!

Lost My Job and Doubled My Mortgage

I had shared in a previous post that we were living the "American Dream."  We were not filthy rich by any means, but I had a great job that made very good money that allowed Carri to stay home with our kids. We had a three bedroom 2 1/2 bath house on 2 acres out in the country. We were living rather comfortably and we were able to enjoy the greater pleasures of life.

Six people in a three bedroom house for a family like ours was getting just a little tight. With the income I had, it was not an issue or a problem to either buy a bigger house or add on to the home we already had. After some sincere prayer, we decided to add on to our current home. The addiction included a larger dining room, living room, two more bedrooms, laundry room, tornado shelter, and a two-car garage. Yes, that was a lot to add on to a house.  But hey, God blessed us with the finances and the ability to do so. As a result, we doubled the size of our home and we doubled our mortgage.

Meanwhile, what I did not know is that my job was on the line. I was going to lose my job not because I was failing to perform, or even performing inadequately. My job was on the line because there were employees who did not care for my management style. I led as a Christian leader. I never forced my faith or ever made others feel uncomfortable because of it. I treated staff the way I felt Christ would have treated them. I was caring, compassionate, and willing to do whatever I could to help.  Even if that meant forgiving an employee who deserved to be fired and giving them a second chance. I was a responsible steward of the operation and capital budgets as well.

What went wrong at work, I may never know the full truth. I do know there were employees who were jealous of my position and wanted someone different. There were cliques and divisions amongst certain groups.  In addition, a few would even undermine what I was trying to accomplish. As a result, I was falsely accused of irresponsibility, harassment with my faith, and favoritism.  Complaints became surmounting and relentless. Administrations hand was forced to do something. I was given this ultimatum, step down from my position, or take probation for 3 months. At the end of three months if I had not been able to achieve the goals set for my department then I would be terminated.

I was shocked! The service I had been managing had become a magnet service in the state. People were lined up for years trying to get a job with us, and turnover was virtually nonexistent. The quality and standards had increased significantly and notably, even at the state level. Managers from all over the state and others were calling me for advice. What was happening? It almost seemed to me as if there were a spiritual battle going on. There were two extreme views of my performance.  On one side, everything was perfect and could not be any better.  The other side I was a failure, a cheat, a chauvinist, and I showed favoritism.

I knew in my heart that I was doing what was right.  The obvious evidence confirmed it from every angle. I decided I was going to take the probation. I met with our human resources director and she told me this: "Bill I like you a lot, and I don't see anything wrong with your performance. I am talking to you as a friend. Do not take the probation, step down." I asked "why?" She replied; "Because you will lose your job, administration has set your goals and expectations so high no one can achieve what they are expecting of you. You will be set up for certain failure if you accept probation."

My first thoughts were these: "I just added on to my house and now my mortgage is doubled. If I step down and become a staff medic, I will lose more than half of my income. Why is this happening God, why? I have done nothing wrong."

Carri and I prayed and we just simply asked for peace. God granted that peace even though our so-called "American Dream" was coming to an abrupt end. Today I am so thankful that God allowed that door to be closed, literally right in my face. It was hard, but He opened doors that I have never imagined. He brought us to a new path that makes the "American Dream" seem like foolishness and nothing more than a superficial pleasure.

I cannot wait to continue sharing my story.  It will blow you away what God has done, and what He is continuing to do. As far as the truly hopeless situation in my life, you have not heard about it yet.

OK, the picture really has nothing to do with this post.  It is my Grandpa, and he is one of my heroes. I love him so much.  He is always telling me, "I am so proud of you!"  "You just might become the next Billy Graham."  Probably not grandpa, but God is using my life for His Glory!

Psalms 119:35-37 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. 36 Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. 37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!