Shutting God Down, How Dare You

Years ago a good friend from college contacted me. He was on the board of directors for the local Christian radio station, KCMH radio. My name had apparently come up in a meeting as a candidate for becoming a board member. I was somewhat shocked; I never thought I would be considered for such an admirable position. I went to the next board meeting where I was officially nominated, and then unanimously elected to serve on the board.

My obligations were necessary but minimal to the radio station. The Board would meet once per month and go over budgets, projections, scheduling, programming, and other general business issues. It was a great opportunity and an honor to serve our local community in ensuring that our Christian radio station was meeting the needs of the community and that they were maintaining good stewardship of what God had given them. To this very day, KCMH is a top-notch local Christian radio station.

In November of every year, KCMH hosts an annual dinner. All the board members are invited along with all the sponsors. The first dinner I attended my wife and I sat by some friends of ours Larry and Pat. After dinner, Pat asked me "Bill, have you ever thought about going into children's or youth ministry?" Without hesitation I replied, "No not really, I don't see God using me that way."

After my quick response of "no", Carri gave me the look. You know the look your wife can give you that immediately sends the message, "you are in trouble, I am not happy with you." The one that sends chills of fear and trembling down your spine because you have no idea what you did wrong, but it must have been bad. The "you are goanna sleep in the doghouse look ", that is the look I got.

In the car on the way home from the annual meeting, Carri did not say a word for several minutes. Then I just had to ask, "What did I do, I didn't do anything wrong." "Oh really, nothing wrong, is that what you think?" "Yea, that is what I know, not think." Then Carri said, "Let me tell you what I know. You shut God down, why would you shut God down?" I asked, "How did I shut God down?" Then Carri said this, "by immediately saying no to God using you in ministry. Maybe God wants to use you in ministry. You could have said, If God calls me then yes, I would. But you did not and instead you just simply shut it down and said no." In a half mad and half-encouraging voice Carri then said, "Bill, you have a voice. You have a story that God wants to use and people need to hear it. If God calls you to ministry, you better do it."

This was not the first time I had shut God down. A couple years earlier, I did it at church camp. I was the group leader for our church. I had been leading our kids with bible study, and church group times throughout the week. One of our older saints, Mrs. Ramona was helping us that week. Mrs. Ramona said this to me one day, "Bill, you are really good with these kids, have you ever thought about going into children's or youth ministry?" I am sure my answer was the same as it was at the dinner, "No, I don’t see God using me that way." Whatever I said, I know it was a "no."

Why did I always shut down the idea of God using me in ministry? Because I believed, I was not good enough. In my mind, if God was going to use you it is because you were qualified and good enough. Boy was I wrong.


The picture is me ministering to some kids in St. Louis Missouri during an MFUGE mission trip with a group of our Youth


I Corinthians I:27-29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him.

May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!