Because of my history, I was still very timid and shy. In fact, it was not until recent years that I even felt comfortable speaking in a Sunday school class. Just the thought of standing in front of a group made me sick. I would get palpitations in my chest, my voice would quiver, and I would feel like throwing up. It scared me to death; even teenagers intimidated me at 30+ years of age. Relating to children, that was no problem. I could call their bluff and socially I was right there with them.
God really began to deal with my fears during a Children's church camp. Carri and I had taken a group of kids to the Arkansas Baptist Assembly church camp in Siloam Springs. It was a little white lie I told that God used to convict my heart. The camp pastor was Mike Seabaugh, "Big O" he was the one I lied to.
Here is what happened. I was walking across the campus to my cabin when I ran into Mike in front of the worship center. Looking back I believe it was a divine appointment. As I was walking with my face towards the ground, I heard a familiar voice call out "Hey, can you help me with something?" I use to always walk with my face to the ground, that way I rarely had to interact with people. Well that time I did not have much of a choice, the only person around besides Big O, was me. I looked up and said, "Sure what do you need." What I was expecting to hear is not what I heard. I expected something like this, "can you help me move this or that, or some type of labor involved assistance." What I heard was, "I need help with the skit tonight."
Immediately I felt faint, palpitations began to pound in my chest, and I wanted to vomit. I am certain that I responded with a quivering voice, "um…I am the only male chaperon …and um……I don't think I can leave my kids to be in a skit……..sorry, I would help but I just can't." That year we had no boys with us, only girls. Trust me; Carri did not need my help. I lied, flat out lied.
I left Mike standing there still looking for help and went on to the cabin. At the cabin, conviction fell upon me in a way I had never felt before. I was at a Christian camp and I just lied to the camp pastor. God and I went back and forth with our words. God was saying, "How dare you lie." I was saying, "I just can’t do it God, you know I can't do it." He would respond back, "Go back and tell him you will help." After going back and forth arguing for what seemed like hours, God won. Fearfully and begrudgingly I went back to find Mike.
I went into the sanctuary where I had left Mike earlier. I was hoping and praying that he had found someone else to help. Worse-case scenario, I was sure I would just be a background person. When I entered the sanctuary, I found Mike and a small group of guys practicing the skit for that night. Mike saw me and shouted out, "Hey your back! So can you help now?" "Yes, I can help." "Great!" Mike then proceeded towards me with a paper in hand. "Here are your lines, memorize them quickly."
That night, I was in the skit dressed as a Roman soldier. I was in a very uncomfortable and fearful place for me. This is what I did, I prayed; "God you got me into this so you better not embarrass me. I really need you by my side to help me get through this."
That night, I did it and I loved it. I had never ever I repeat ever done anything like that before. God gave me the strength and courage to face my fears of standing and speaking in front of a group. I acted out the role of a roman soldier before a crowd of at least 1,000 - 1,200 children and adults. My strength only could have come from the Lord.
Psalms 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
From that point on, I had a secret in my heart. I wanted to do more. Sadly I allowed my fear to hold me back for several years. Deep inside I really did want to do more. Each year after, I have volunteered to be part of Mike's skits. They are elaborate, animated and very vocal. God used Mike Seabaugh "Big O" to begin my journey into ministry.
The picture is me "Zebra Man" and my good friend Tom "Panda Man" Dressed up as super heroes during Camp Siloam 2012!
May my life be the proof and evidence of Christ's love!
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