Arguing With God, The Great I AM

After a long week serving on the mission field in Esteli Nicaragua, I am back home and ready to continue sharing my life story.

     The week of July 4, 2009, I was the leader for the youth group that we took to MFUGE, Mobile Alabama.  MFUGE is the youth mission trip that is comparable to a mission trip, church camp, and revival on steroids.  Lifeway ministry organizes these particular events. During this week, God and I had a debate about whether or not He could use me.

     I had been struggling with youth leadership since May when I had stepped into what I thought was a temporary role.  I was still rather shy, quiet, timid, and fearful.  During this week, God began to speak to me.  He was saying "Bill I want you to lead our youth, I want to use you to reach them for Me.  I am going to use you to do this.  You will teach them to worship and love Me.  You will show them who my son is.  Your life and leadership will become the proof and evidence of who I am, through you they will come to know me."  My immediate response was something like this "God, I am not able, I am not biblically wise, I am not able to speak, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough, I am not courageous enough, I am not secure enough, I am not popular enough, my life is not stable enough, I am not……"  Throughout this week and the weeks that followed, this was the context of the argument God and I was having. 

     The main theme for that years MFUGE was having faith, faith to believe, faith to take a stand, faith to move forward, faith to do what God has called you to do.  The story focused on Moses and the burning bush.  Moses was drawn to what seemed impossible, a burring bush that was not being consumed.  My life was a burring bush because of the things I had faced and dealt with in the past, my personality and confidence, and even more so our battle with Huntington's disease.  Just like the burring bush that was not becoming consumed, neither was my or my family's life.

      Just like me, Moses had one excuse after another as to why he could not do what God had called him to do.  God's response to Moses was "I AM." For several months, I argued with God.  " I am not able, I am not biblicaly wise, I am not able to speak, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough, I am not courageous enough, I am not secure enough, I am not popular enough, my life is not stable enough, I am not……blah blah blah…"  God's response to every excuse I had was "I AM." 

     Looking back, my faith and trust in the Lord was weak and pitiful.  Who am I to say I cannot when He is able.  Of course, I cannot do the things of God, but He can and He will through anyone who is willing to surrender. He is the great I AM. 

This is the group of YOUTH we took to MFUGE, Mobile, Al.
We were enjoying a quick break on the beach one night.

Exodus 3:14 God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

    

May my life be the proof and evidence of His love!