How Dare You Shut God Down Like That

     A good friend from a college class I had been taking contacted me.  He said that he was on the board of directors for the local Christian radio station, KCMH radio.  My name had apparently come up in a meeting as a candidate for becoming a board member.  I was somewhat shocked; I never thought I would be considered for such an admirable position.  I went to the next board meeting where I was officially nominated, and then unanimously elected to serve on the board. 

     Honestly, my obligations were minimal to the radio station.   We would meet once per month and go over budgets, projections, scheduling, programming, and general business material.  It was a great opportunity and an honor to serve our local community in ensuring that our Christian radio station was meeting the needs of the community and that they were maintaining  good stewardship of what God had given them.  To this very day, KCMH is a top-notch local Christian radio station. 

     In November of every year, KCMH hosts an annual dinner.  All the board members are invited along with all the sponsors.  The first dinner I attended my wife and I sat by some friends of ours Larry and Pat.  After dinner, Pat asked me question that I thought was rather random.  Pat asked me, "Bill, have you ever thought about going into children's or youth ministry?"  Without hesitation I replied, "No not really, I don't see God using me that way." 

     After my quick unquestionable response of "no", Carri gave me the look.  You know the look your wife can give you that immediately sends the message, "you are in trouble, I am not happy with you."  The one that sends chills of fear and trembling down your spine because you have no idea what you did wrong, but it must have been bad.  The "you are goanna sleep in the doghouse look ", that is the look I got. 

     After leaving the dinner, we got into the car to head home.  Carri did not say a word for several minutes.  Then I just had to ask, "What did I do, I didn't do anything wrong."  "Oh really, nothing wrong, is that what you think?"  "Yea, that is what I know, not think."    Then Carri said, "Let me tell you what I know.  You shut God down, why would you shut God down?"  I asked, "How did I shut God down?"  Then Carri said this, "by immediately saying no to God using you in ministry.  Maybe God wants to use you in ministry.  You could have said, If God calls me then yes, I would. But you did not and instead you just simply shut it down and said no."  In a half mad and half-encouraging voice Carri then said, "Bill, you have a voice.  You have a story that God wants to use and people need to hear it.  If God calls you to ministry, you better do it."

     This was not the first time I had shut God down before.  A couple years earlier, I did it at church camp.  It was at a children's only camp that I was the group leader.  I had been leading our kids with bible study, and church group times throughout the week.  As I said before, I could handle kids.  I could call their bluff because they are on my level.  Anyway, one of our older saints, Mrs. Ramona was helping us that week.  Mrs. Ramona said this to me one day, "Bill, you are really good with these kids, have you ever thought about going into children's or youth ministry?"  I am sure my answer was the same as it was at the dinner, "No, I don’t see God using me that way."  Whatever I said, I know it was a "no."

     Why did I always shut down the idea of God using me in ministry?  Because I believed, I was not good enough.  In my mind, if God is going to use you it is because you are good enough.  You have proven to God that you are good enough.  Boy was I wrong. 

This me ministering to some kids in St. Louis Missouri
during an MFUGE mission trip with a group of our Youth

I Corinthians I:27-29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him.

May my life be the proof and evidence of His love!