I was
born with a kidney defect that prevented me from being able to control my
bladder. I honestly do not remember exactly what was wrong, but I know I
had to have surgery to correct the problem. Long story short,
I had a bladder control problem and it did not go unnoticed. It was not
uncommon for me to wet my bed at night and even wet my pants at school.
Word got around pretty quick, for obvious reasons, that I was a bed wetter and
a baby. This title was the gateway to bullying.
I
remember the verbal teasing, the chasing, pushing, and even hitting that
occurred on the playground and after school. In elementary school, I
distinctly remember a tire maze that was more of a trap for me. After a
few attempts to go in and play, I quickly learned it was not a safe
place. The tire maze, it was a trap for the timid and a safe haven for
bullies. The bullies, they could do and say whatever they wanted within
the confines of the tire fortress. Teachers could not see or hear what
was going on within this labyrinth of tires. Avoiding the tires was not
the solution to my problem. Hindsight, it made things worse.
Avoidance only proved I was a wimp and I was afraid making me a more
desirable target.
Not only
was my bladder a problem, so was my self esteem. I had little to no
confidence and therefore I had no courage. I was the kid who could strike
out in t-ball. When it came to neighborhood games and picking teams, I
was always the last. Well actually most of the time I heard things like,
"We have enough", and "We do not need you". On
the rare occasion I did get to play, I usually heard things like, "You suck",
"You stink", and "We do not want you on our team".
Because
of my problems and trials, I was extremely shy and timid. I was however
good at one thing, running. I ran home every day from school. I did
not run for fun, I ran for my life. If I did not run fast enough, I would
be picked on, bullied and beat up. That
my friends made me very fast and gave me endurance like a bloody gazelle
running from a pack of cheetahs.
I could
go on and on about my experiences of bullying. However, that is not
really what is important about this story. What is important is the
effects bullying had on me mentally, emotionally, and socially. The
message that I heard and believed was this: "nobody likes you",
"nobody wants you", "nobody cares for you", and" you
will never amount to anything".
The one
regret I have, I never really ever told my parents or my older sister what I
was going through. The three people who loved me the most, I chose to
hide these things from.
Bullying
is a real problem and it is a bigger problem today than when I was a kid 30
plus years ago. With the aid of technology, bullying has no
boundaries. You may ask; "why does God allow these things to happen."
I do not have the answer for every situation.
What I do know is this; God used my weakness and my hurts to make me who
I am today. For this reason, I am grateful.
 |
| Me with a couple girls that bullied me with body paint. MFUGE - youth mission trip St. Louis |
John
9:3
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the
work of God might be displayed in his life.
May my life be the proof and evidence of His love!
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